Mostly Life

God smiles

2012-01-08T21:07:00.006-05:00

It's time to sit and write something down. To write about things I see and things I imagine. To look in the mind's eye and describe what happened once, and then rewind and look at it from this perspective and that perspective and find ways to say "Hey! Stop the footage. God smiled at me there. At me!" Time to bask in His looking and smiling.

What makes you happy? This morning I heard this question and the first thing that came to mind was yesterday afternoon when Gabriel and I went on a bike ride, just the two of us. We dusted off his bicycle seat and hoisted my bike down from the rafters and took off around the pond and and into the neighboring community to a nearby park. Gabe rode in front of me and thank God we were riding in January because if it had been summertime my big goofy grin would have collected more bugs than my belly could hold. I was flying high.

Gabriel is a talker. A keep-the-commentary-coming talker whose delightful observations just fill the air so, so much of the time. He narrates his way through getting dressed, eating breakfast, making rockets out of Legos and picking out stories to read. He explains why he does things and why I do things and why his sisters do things and why life is hard for a four year old. "Things will be different when I'm five, right Mommy? 'Cause I'll be older when I'm five."

Gabriel narrated his way through our bike ride:

"Mommy, I want to ride through the whole day until it's nighttime, just you and me."

"Riding bikes is a lot of work!"

"When we see people ahead of us, we say 'On your left!'"

And then, four houses from home after returning from the park at a much slower pace than we went, he stopped completely. "Mommy, I can't go on any farther. I'm too tired." Four houses from home! With a little encouragement, he made it all the way.

The whole experience left me beaming. I felt lighter, filled with this radiant love. I love my boy, love my life, love that on that day, at that moment, God smiled on me so big that I felt His love pouring on me in torrents. I felt joyful. I felt happy.

What makes you happy?

What makes me happy is love.

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. (1 John 4:7-8)

God is love.

When Gabriel and I arrived at the park we took a few minutes to play. We raced each other to the top of the slide and swooshed to the bottom. Then we did it again and again. I pushed him--super high--on the swing and then he crossed the rope bridge and showed me how to hang from his armpits like a goof in his big padded coat. We laughed and giggled and wrestled and raced. We loved; and God smiled. What a beautiful smile He has!

My prayer is that the Lord would teach me to love well and to smile often.

The Lord said to Moses, "Tell Aaron and his sons, 'This is how you are to bless the Israelites. Say to them:

"'The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.'"

"So they will put my name on the Israelites, and I will bless them." (Numbers 6:22-27)

My growing boy

2012-01-05T13:52:00.003-05:00

Gabriel's lunch:

Plain hot dog on a bun

mandarin orange

half a PB&J sandwich

serving of apple sauce

Nutri-Grain cereal bar

For the past two nights in a row, Gabriel has fallen asleep before we are even done with bedtime.

Can we say growth spurt?

Simple Pleasures

2012-01-05T13:45:00.002-05:00

The girls and I all got new winter hats for Christmas this year. That makes things like these pictures fun. Other things that make pictures like this fun are big smiles and sweet little girls.

Christmas tidbits

2011-12-27T17:28:00.004-05:00

It's been a Christmas to remember.

The kids are all in bed now, or at least should be, though I can hear the rattle of Gabriel's little blanky in the hallway. He calls to me from upstairs, "Mommy?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"I love you."

"I love you too sweet boy."

"Daddy?" The plaintive upstairs voice is pulling so many darn heartstrings I'm wound about tight as a drum.

"Yeah Gabe," Daddy replies.

"I love you too Daddy."

"I love you sweetie."

And there is quiet up in the hallway, and I sit for a moment with my heart pumping and aching with love and gratefulness for a life full and good.

We hear the rattle of the blanky again, soon followed by a pint sized bedtime fugitive showing up in the kitchen. "Mommy?"

"Yes buddy?"

"I have another question."

"What is it?"

"Why does Daddy work so hard all the time?"

"Well bud, maybe you should ask Daddy that," and I point Gabriel toward Garrett, sitting at his computer at the kitchen table.

"Daddy, why do you work so hard?"

And if my heart could swell any more, it truly does as my beloved husband sends me to find the kids' Bible, so he can read Gabriel the story of the fall of man, to try his best to explain to our budding little man why Daddy works, and teach him a little more about the ways of this world and the workings of God.

I think this is perhaps my best Christmas present this year.

It has been a rather unexpected few days for us. We had our Christmas plans laid out--the morning with our family at home, the afternoon with friends eating a Christmas feast and fellowshiping around the table. Then Christmas eve, after church and dinner and cookies and milk for Santa (and carrots for the reindeer) set out and the kids tucked into bed, Garrett got sick. Quite sick. Out of commission with alternating chills and fever, he spent the night in a blur of severe discomfort. Christmas morning brought three enthusiastic kiddos and poor Daddy giving it the good old college try to be excited and perky along with them, but soon after the merrymaking began Garrett was relegated to the couch and our Christmas dinner was officially moved to New Years.

So Christmas in our house was quiet and leisurely. The kids and I made an admirable mess and Daddy slept the afternoon away and we ate leftover pasta and bean and cheese quesadillas. My simplest Christmas dinner ever.

But we have much to be thankful for, and though I look back on Christmas day and am sorry for a moment here or there where I allowed myself to complain internally that this was not the day I had been looking forward to for weeks, I see that the most beautiful things I've ever wanted in all my life, I have, and who could ask for a better wish granted on Christmas than that?

Last Thursday the kids had their last day of school before break, during which they put on a little Christmas program and sang carols and then shared a buffet of snack with the parents while we celebrated Jesus' birthday. This is a pic of my three little shepherds:

I love it!

Christmas day itself was beautiful, weather-wise. We've only had the slightest dustings of snow this year so far, and Christmas day swooped in bright and sunny and gorgeous. While Garrett napped in the afternoon and Gabriel checked out his new marble tower and Lego sets, the girls and I took a walk around the neighborhood.

We had to take the new strollers and bunnies, and the bunnies had to wear their new outfits that matched the girls new outfits (thanks Grandma!).

There were smiles all around

We have much to be grateful for this year. You may notice in these photos that Gabriel has glasses now--we are grateful that we took him to get examined and caught his condition early. God is good. We have been praying for God to increase our faith this past month or more because the sale of our apartment in New York fell through at the last minute and we have not had any bites since. Next month we start paying for housing in two cities, as Garrett completes his official temporary assignment here in Chicago and IBM stops paying our rent here. We are unsure what God has planned to remedy what could quickly become a precarious financial situation for us. But we recognize that God sent His son to earth to live among us, to love on us, to die for us, to redeem us. We believe He can redeem this too and eagerly await His plan revealed. God is good in all ways, at all times, in all circumstances, to all people. In our home, we believe. And so we say Merry Christmas. A very merry Christmas to you all.

When there is no time for words

2011-11-23T23:18:00.003-05:00

Halloween

2011-11-01T20:01:00.002-04:00

So my Halloween photos are little lackluster this year, but you'll get the idea. We walked around the neighborhood with our friend Claire and Eric and their little boy Wyatt, the scarecrow. Right away my hands were full with two shy little princesses and a bashful Tigger (who was actually feeling a little sick before he consumed any candy) who were much more interested in wearing their costumes than showing them off for the neighbors or--don't make me say it--actually talking to them. Our little guys were so reluctant to say "trick-or-treat" and "thank you" that we nearly took them home. Once that became clear, Gabriel and Amelia amped it a up and bit and began to speak above a whisper. Abigail still shied away from most of the doorbell ringing, but she was also dealing with an injury that made walking around a literal pain. Last weekend at the world's funnest place (the bounce house) she took a bad landing when she jumped from bounce castle to cement floor. From Saturday to Sunday Garrett and I thought she may have broken her foot. X-rays on Sunday morning didn't show any break, but she came home from the clinic with a splint and a hop in her step, since she only had one good foot to use. She woke up Monday still refusing to bear any weight on it, but by the afternoon was limping all right. But walking the neighborhood was a bit much to ask. Apparently she felt reluctant enough to talk to strangers that she didn't seem too upset that she couldn't run around the neighborhood, so all in all not too bad of a situation, given the possible alternatives. Today the kids have fond memories of collecting a small stash of candy, and Abigail's foot continues to mend, so we're in good shape.

This has been a good week or so for us and I am a firm believer the turnaround from what felt like resident chaos a couple weeks ago has been the implementation of afternoon quiet time. Amelia, Abigail, and Gabriel abruptly stopped napping eons ago at the ripe age of 2 1/2, despite my continued efforts to enforce afternoon sleep, and they've never gone back. Every once in a while I've tried enforcing a quiet time or nap time when things get particularly hectic, but I think the peace I am feeling this week is due to a completely new approach. Quiet time happens every weekday for one hour, and I suspect that the key for the kids is this: Mommy has quiet time too, in the hallway outside their bedrooms. Simple enough, right? But I never slowed down to think that that could be my haven too. I've used quiet times in the past to try to rush around completing all the things that take forever to do with three kids at my heels, but instead I'm now committed to using the time for my own daily devotions and quiet time with God. Oh my word what a difference! It's only been a week so I can't say I've successfully cemented a whole new habit, but I can tell you I am gung-ho to keep it up. I've been reading, praying, writing in my journal, and wonder of wonders, my kids have been sitting on their beds for an hour at a time being quiet! And, significantly, sometimes they are even napping! For an hour or two! Ahh, God is good to me. Sometimes just the simplest things... It occurred to me to try this after Gabriel was consistently coming home from school saying he was tired and one of his teachers suggested a regular quiet time even if they wouldn't nap. I guess all I needed was some "homework" to get me to see the light. And it's been a treat to listen to them from the hall as well, because even though they're not supposed to talk, Gabriel will talk to himself while he's playing quietly, and once I heard Abigail say this prayer:

God, I want to be more kind to Mommy.

So can you help me be more kind?

Thanks. Thanks God.

That made my day, but what was so cute was the rest of the day Abigail would check in with me: "Am I being good today Mommy? Am I being so good for you?" What a treasure. And to be able to respond, "Yes Abigail, you are very good for me," well it just makes the crazy days slow down and purr.

Thanks. Thanks God.

The way a mind works

2011-10-27T00:00:00.003-04:00

Tonight at bedtime Amelia and Gabriel decided to sleep in the same bed together. Gabriel got a twin bed a few weeks ago and we're all having fun snuggling on his bed while we read stories and say prayers at night. Tonight Amelia and Gabriel just thought it sounded good for her to stay put. I just went to check on them and Gabe is the only one in his bed, so I went to check on Amelia and she is blissfully sleeping in her own room. Garrett and I aren't sure when she transferred, but we have fun imagining her stumbling drowsily through the hallway to her own bed. Sleepy kids are so dang cute.

Other cute things include my conversation with Abigail last night at the tail end of dinner when she and I were the only ones left at the table.

Abigail: [pointing at the wall] What's that?

Mommy: It's called a thermostat. It regulates the temperature in the house. So if we set it at 70 and the temperature goes below 70, the thermostat makes the heat come on and warm the house back up.

Abigail: [Thinks for a minute] So is that a miracle?

Mommy: Kind of sounds like one, doesn't it?

The kids are asking great questions these days. We talk a lot about Jesus and I can tell they are trying to wrap their minds around the trinity and Jesus' death and resurrection. Why did people hate Jesus? Why did they want him to die? How did God raise him from the dead? If God and Jesus are one, did God die on the cross too? I love their questions and listening to them make sense of what they hear and learn. Today we were reading a story together and there was a picture of a group of people. Several of the people were black and a few more were white. Amelia pointed it out and she and Abigail and I had a great conversation about race and the differences that God made. Why is their skin dark and our skin is light? Because God made us that way? Yes, He did. But we talked not only about God's ability to make things different, but His wisdom in doing so--the beauty He made in creating people of all different shapes and sizes and colors and how He loves them all equally. How we should love and respect them all equally as well.

I found the conversation intriguing since I read the book Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman a couple months ago (a fantastic book--a must read for all parents and a fascinating read for everyone else) and there is a chapter on talking with children about race and how modern efforts at promoting diversity through increasing people's exposure to varying races, ethnic groups, etc falls short of its presumed desired effect of making people more tolerant and accepting and inclusive of different races. Exposure itself does not increase one's esteem for other races--we need to talk about race and instill in our kids the values of equality and value in things different than ourselves. The book spoke about the fact that white people speak the least about race, presumably in an effort to make their kids think that everyone is the same and race doesn't matter. But kids aren't blind--they see the differences right in front of them and clearly race does matter, at the very least in that it has a significant impact on how a person looks. To a four year old, doesn't that mean quite a lot? If we want our kids to actually believe in equality of the races, we need to talk about equality of the races. We need to not just put them in a classroom with a few black or hispanic or Indian children in attendance; we need to talk about the fact that those differences are there, but they are to be respected and honored, not used to make value judgments.

Anyway, I'm not sure how I got onto this topic from where I stared, except that my kids are bringing up some really great conversations these days and I love having the chance to hear their thoughts and offer them new ways of thinking about things.

Images of fall

2011-10-14T22:45:00.009-04:00

When it's been a month since my last post it's hard to know where to begin. Our fall has been full and beautiful and overwhelming and hectic. I am trying to capture the good and soak it up to save for those harrowing moments, which may sound dramatic but I can't think of a better way to describe how life seems to have run away with our family. The schedule book is no fuller than it has always been, yet somehow peace alludes our household much of the time so I have been challenged to slow down and assess the situation.

Time passes so slowly and so quickly it's the most bizarre thing. Honestly, I look at four weeks on the calendar and think "well that's not that long," but to look at what happens in a month takes my breath away. To look at my own photos I hardly remember apple picking or pumpkin painting was not a lifetime ago, but only days. And the things I find myself wanting to write about--well, they take time. It's no longer the laundry list of what we did today that occupies my thoughts. The things that take hours of reflection and labyrinthian thought processes to even begin to grasp are what ping-pong through my mind for days or weeks and I don't feel like I have the time or energy or emotional wherewithal to write it down. I am thinking about my kids' budding need to be individuals, about how to talk to them about the very apparent fact that despite how they may be perceived or, perhaps, perceive themselves, they are each very different from their siblings. They need each other, but that is not the same as being each other. For them, I'm not sure the distinction is always so clear, or that even if it is, they know how to behave given that fact. They see differences now that have been around for a while, but now they have moved from simply noting the facts to making some sort of judgement on them: Amelia is not riding a two-wheeler yet, but Gabriel and Abigail are. Most four year olds I know aren't riding two-wheelers yet. But in Amelia's world, all the four years olds ride them except her. And she's aware. Not yet apparently troubled by it, but certainly curious. What must it feel like to be four and begin to notice the world is bigger and broader than you previously realized?

Perhaps it is in the context of the world growing so much bigger (we go to school now! we know songs and stories and people that mommy doesn't know!), or my little ones growing relatively smaller (though they are such big kids now!) that the season of discontent has swooped upon our home. I can't tell you how many people looked at me with knowing looks of nostalgia when I said my kids were turning four. Four! What a lovely age. I wish I could have stopped time when my kids were four. They were so cooperative! They were so obedient! They were old enough to really help and young enough to think helping was fun. All hail the age of four! But I tell you what, I have yet to see the tranquility of four. Sure, my kids are still crazy fun, and I love all sorts of things about their age. They do love to help, and they say sweet and funny things, and they can do things for themselves, and their curiosity is a delight to behold. But there seems to be no end to the whining, the bickering, the back talking, the complaining, the nagging. There are enough waterworks in our house in one day to fill Niagra Falls it seems. We see tears over owies, perceived owies, potential owies, and painless owies. We see tears about which shoes to wear, about tying or untying said shoes, about putting backpacks away when we get home and brushing teeth in the morning. We see tears if I don't sing a song at bedtime and tears if I sing the wrong song. Sometimes we see spontaneous tears with no apparent cause, which are usually explained with a pitiful "I bit my tongue!" or a blubbery "I don't want to be a kid!"

Looking at these pictures, I'd say being a kid is a pretty darn good thing to be. You get to decorate pumpkins and play in leaves and basically play almost all the time! But I know when I was a kid I didn't realize how awesome it was. And Garrett talks about how all he wanted to do was grow up. I hope my kids can learn to enjoy being kids. I hope they don't spend their childhoods looking ahead, ahead, ahead only to miss what's here right now.

Because the fact is, despite it all, life right now is pretty darn good.

Flowers

2011-09-15T23:35:00.003-04:00

Click

2011-09-09T19:34:00.003-04:00

I so wished I had my camera with me yesterday while the kids and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. Just picture in your mind's eye: images of them climbing trees, prancing and skipping and galloping down the sidewalk toward the beckoning playground, twisting and winding their way through shrub mazes as they make up grand stories that leave cheeks dimpled with grins and eyes sparkling with mischief. I could have taken pictures here, and here, and here, and while I sort of regret that I've left my camera in the cupboard a little bit more in the past weeks, I sort of regret nothing at all because I have not missed a single moment of the laughter in my efforts to capture it with a click. As we wandered the shrub maze I encountered Gabriel with a proud look on his face.

"I am the president!" he declared.

"The president of what?" I asked.

"The President of the United States."

"Oh, well, nice to meet you Mr. President." I extended my hand for a hearty shake. "Tell me, what do plan on doing to remedy our failing economy?"

Gabriel pondered my question for a moment and then stoutly declared: "Everyone must come to the wedding!" And he proceeded to hustle Amelia and Abigail to the altar, and they were none too reluctant to oblige. Their grooms' identities remained a mystery throughout, though that seemed to dampen the festive mood not one bit. Click, click, click. Memories put away in my heart for another day to come back and replay in my mind.

We have had plenty to keep us busy and plenty to keep three little voices talking in these past weeks. Preschool is a decided hit and I am glad to report my little scholars are eager for school days, but not so disappointed on non-school days as to cause distress. Somehow we got a good balance figured out pretty quickly. Gabriel did cry the first several days when I picked him up from school (no, NOT when I dropped him off), but we seem to have passed those early days of transition trauma by now. They are coming home singing new songs and telling me how to properly wash my hands and boasting about their jobs as calendar helper and line leader. All seems well in the preschool world. And all is well with me figuring out what to do with myself when my kids are occupied. Here's the secret: plan nothing. I had this silly idea that I actually needed an answer when I thought about what I would do when my kids are in school. But the reality is that three hours, three mornings a week, minus drive time, really is not all that much. So what do I do when my kids are at school? So far I clean my house and run errands and listen to podcasts and watch a little TV and go on bike rides and runs and... so far that seems like enough. Life feels no less full, no quieter really. Perhaps it is because the buzz is always there, even when the bees are busy playing at the water table and learning about the letter "A."

Life is going full speed ahead and to prove it we are jumping on the ballet train tomorrow and the soccer train next week and God is meeting me here and there and everywhere I go, surprise surprise. MOPS has started full swing and my steering team keeps me thinking and my duties writing the newsletter keep me planning ahead. My kids are big enough to get their own string cheese out of the fridge and fill their own water cups out of the spout. They try to brush their own teeth and pick out their own clothes. They pack their backpacks and buckled their car seats. Sometimes they say the most wonderful things ("Mommy, I think I love you.") and sometimes they say the most confusing things ("One day pants with nobody inside them went off to find a fork because he had something to eat but no forks in his house.") And I am astonished and awestruck that this keeps happening to me day after day after day and someday, someday, this won't be happening to me anymore and I will miss it so. I know I am blessed with the ability to know, in the moment, that I want to savor this juicy life of mine. But I still feel so inept to be able to sponge it all up and let it seep into my pores. How do I hold on to the wonderful without spurning the coming of inevitable tomorrow? God, please help me thank you in this moment, and this one and this one and this one. I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart, down in my heart to stay! Thank God each day is a gift. What do I get to open tomorrow?

I have not entirely neglected my camera, just mostly, so here are a few recent photos that capture the beauty. Abigail has mastered riding her bike with no training wheels, the girls' latest fascination with collecting rocks, and Gabriel showing off his mad riding skills have been collected for the record books. Enjoy!

First day pictures!

2011-08-23T11:35:00.006-04:00

Here are pics from this morning, Amelia, Abigail, and Gabriel's first day of school!

Does it mean anything that there's been rain and thunderstorms all morning? I may be a sap but the house sure does feel awfully big and empty right now.

Grateful

2011-08-22T18:31:00.003-04:00

Perspective

2011-08-22T16:06:00.004-04:00

I've been feeling down a little bit lately. Frustrated. I suspect some of it has to do with all the emotions rolling around in me as I await the start of preschool tomorrow. There are a lot of changes coming up and I feel alternately excited, sad, overwhelmed, proud, just plain weepy. I don't know if that's all it is. I find myself getting flustered with the kids, more frazzled than usual when I have to deal with competing voices and frequent interruptions and slightly (oh so slightly) whiny voices. The other night I was venting to Garrett and he made a good point.

My kids are reading.

My kids are riding two wheelers (Abigail just mastered hers a few days ago!).

My kids are memorizing scripture and as I write this Gabriel is singing "You're altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me!"

And they're only four.

My first thought was well, that's just because they can. They do those things because they can. But then I also got his point that, I suppose, part of why they can is because I've helped them along the way. Helped them reach some of these milestones. Though I don't feel all that accomplished sometimes, I do agree that I have darn capable kids.

I guess getting a little perspective was helpful. God sure gave me some amazing little people to join in this journey, daunting though it is.

Daddy's days off

2011-08-15T12:01:00.013-04:00

Last week Garrett took some time off and we had a mini-staycation here at home. I was amazed how refreshing a few days together as a family was, especially since we barely took more time than any normal weekend. Maybe having fun on the weekdays was just the added treat we needed.

We started by going to the Brookfield Zoo last Tuesday. We picked that day because it was a free day for kids. We were still shocked at how much the day cost, since once you get in the front gate they seem to charge up the wazoo for every little exhibit inside, but in any case we've been wanting to check out the zoo and had a great day doing it. We saw the dolphin show and rode the tram around the zoo grounds, and made a fun visit to my old stomping grounds at the Children's Zoo. In 1999 I was an intern at the Children's Zoo at Brookfield. I got to help put on shows and educate the public, care for the animals and learn about native wild species. It was a fun and eye-opening summer so I was especially excited to go back and share the experience with my kids. Truth be told the Children's Zoo was pretty quiet, but I did get to see a guy I worked with all those years ago, and the kids had a blast brushing and feeding the goats in the petting zoo.

Gabriel compares his wingspan to that of a bald eagle

My little beauties

Grooming the goats...

Getting eaten by the goats...

And feeding the goats something more appropriate

Cabell was out of town last week canoeing in the boundary waters between the US and Canada, so his apartment was vacant. We took advantage of the chance to get some free city lodging and camped out at his place for the night, then Wednesday morning we enjoyed some of beautiful Grant Park and breathtaking Buckingham Fountain.

Then we headed back to the beach where we spent some time a couple months ago when Nana was in town. It was a gorgeous day, not humid, a tad bit windy but overall just really nice. We lounged, we played, got wet, we got sandy, we ate lunch. It was a beautiful summer day.

What a view!

An unwanted though fascinating visit from some hungry gulls

Leapfrog!

A boy in his element

Daddy and Abigail

Little mermaids and merman!

Splashing with daddy in the waves

Can it get any better?

We drove home after the beach, tired and happy. Garrett had plans Thursday afternoon, but we got a little more family time Thursday morning taking advantage of the bounce house gift certificates the kids got for their birthday. We had a blast! Honestly, I think it was the best few days we've had all summer, just being a family and slowing down enough to enjoy each other. Garrett and I celebrated our eleventh wedding anniversary a few days ago. Actually, we celebrated a week early, taking an overnight in the city while our favorite babysitter stayed with the kids. I think I've had just about a perfect family week, first spending some fun down time with my main squeeze and then reveling in my whole family with our special outings. I love that I am so in love!

A walk in the rain

2011-08-11T12:42:00.005-04:00

All the rain we've gotten this summer is definitely good for some things, puddle jumping among them. We went out to enjoy a summer shower last week and I got some cute shots before we ever left the driveway. Collecting rocks and sticks quickly became the most important mission on our walk, other than getting home before a fresh new wave of really intense thunderstorms decided to hit. I love walking in the rain on a warm day!

Just plain summer perfect

2011-08-03T22:44:00.003-04:00

Surprises

2011-07-30T20:35:00.004-04:00

"It's a surprise for Mommy; don't tell her about it!" Abigail speaks in urgent whisper-shouts as she and Amelia race up the stairs. I walk up a minute behind them to help Garrett finish getting the three munchkins ready for bed. As soon as I reach the upstairs landing I see a ziploc bag thrust in my face accompanied by three gleeful voices exclaiming "Look! It's ants! Ants mommy! Look what daddy found!" Surprise! Sure enough there is a bag with the crust of a PB and J covered with ants scrambling about in a bag, trying desperately to figure out what to do with this enormous treasure of carbs.

I used to love surprises.

It seems like surprises are a big thing at this stage. Surprises and whispers. Abigail loves to whisper things in my ear. The dramatic effect is too much to resist, even if the message is something mundane like "I put my water cup on the counter, mommy." It's adorable, so I smile and nod and whisper back "Good girl Abigail. Thank you." Amelia also offers whispers with delight, and will often "surprise" me with hugs and kisses. Now those surprises I like!

I'm intrigued though, at the mystery the whole concept of a surprise must hold for a little kid. What is it about the idea of an unexpected gift or an unknown revealed that captures their imaginations so? The other night Abigail arrived at my bedside in the middle of the night (which has become an unfortunate everyday not-surprise in the past weeks). I hear her tell-tale sniffles and whimpers and roll over in bed.

"What's the matter baby? Why are you up?"

"I want to show you something."

"Honey, it's the middle of the night. You can show my something tomorrow. Go to bed."

"But I need you to come. I have a surprise for you."

Ugh. Seriously? This was the first time she's played that card during an off-hour rendezvous and I was amused, though only slightly.

"You have a surprise? Honey, no, now's not the time for surprises. Go to bed."

"But I need you. It's a surprise," with growing urgency.

So my resolve, which sometimes serves me well and other times abandons me completely anywhere between 1:00 and 5:00 in the morning, failed me this time.

"All right Abby, come on."

We walk down the hallway to her room, hand in sleepy hand, and push open her door to pitch black. The nightlight that we usually keep on is off. And I suppose when you're four years old and you wake up in the night and the light you're accustomed to seeing is missing, that, too, is an unwelcome surprise.

"Is that the surprise Abigail? Your light isn't on?"

"Uh huh."

With a weary finger I flip the switch to on and Abigail dutifully climbs back in bed and rests her head on the pillow. I walk back to my room to sink into my own mattress and as I drift off, I again try to see the humor in the situation. Who knows? Maybe Abby will keep it up and let me sleep through the night tonight. You never know what to expect with surprises.

Holding fast

2011-07-29T22:35:00.002-04:00

A couple days ago Amelia took a spill in the living room. Front teeth right against the coffee table, leaving chips in the wood to prove it. I was right there when it happened. I've struggled somewhat with the fact that it was I, the "monster," who roared and sent her careening, first all giggles, then all tears, into hard wood. And the feeling of dread that came an hour later after the most frantic tears subsided and Garrett found two loose front teeth is something I have not yet had to contend with as a parent. We call the dentist. Well, first I call the dentist and immediately make an appointment for an hour later.

"What did they say?" Garrett asks.

"What did they say?" I stare at him blankly.

"Do we need to even take her in? Is there anything they need to do? Or should we wait and keep our eye out for something?" This, after he has googled what to do for children with loose teeth due to impacts. I have such a level-headed husband.

"I just made an appointment. I mean, shouldn't we take her?" I consider myself rather level-headed as well. I keep calm and I'm good at comforting Amelia as my heart races and her tears flow. I don't freak out when I see blood along her gumline, and I even think to check for wiggling teeth, though my timing may have been premature (just seconds post-accident) or my touch too tentative to reveal that they were indeed loose. But when it comes to making the call--Do we go to the doctor? Do we wait it out? Should I slow down enough to ask the receptionist at the dental office if I can speak with an actual dentist?--I get flustered and indecisive. I convince myself to err on the side of caution, even though at times waiting is truly the most prudent option.

"I'll call them back." So Garrett has been in charge of dentist duty since he called them and found out that we needn't take her in right away. We should expect swelling and bruising to worsen, peaking no later than three days post-impact. After that we should see swelling and bruising subside, and hopefully, along with that, the front teeth will solidify themselves once again. It can happen. But we still need to take her to the dentist in a week or so to get x-rays to see if there is root damage or damage to the permanent teeth situated higher up in her gums. Until then she gets liquids and soft foods in bite size pieces. And we wait.

Waiting is hard.

So today I have been clinging to the one and only thing I can count on. Clinging to the one and only foundation that does not move, does not shift, does not waver. Clinging to God, who is good.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not tear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. ~Jeremiah 17:7-8

How do we bear fruit for God when trials and worries turn our focus inward? My concern has been for my daughter and the potential consequences of this accident in my life and my family. A normal response, certainly, but how do I turn the my into thy? Thy will be done, thy name be praised. He is good, all the time. Despite accidents and worries of all kinds. Despite a world full of potential and real wrongs. God is good. And so I concentrate today on keeping myself rooted to the foundation of Him, planted, rooted, like the tree clinging to the stream so no worry of drought makes it droop.

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

Then the word of the Lord came to me: "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the Lord. "Like the clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel." ~Jeremiah 18:1-6

I read this passage this afternoon and first felt no immediate application to my current state of mind, but then I read in the commentary notes in my Bible: "Just as a potter turns the wheel and shapes the clay into a useful vessel, so God uses the turning of events to shape his people. In light of the new covenant God has established with us through Jesus Christ, we can trust the master potter to work out our imperfections and gently mold us into the likeness of his Son."

God uses the turning of events to shape his people.

We can trust the master potter to... gently mold us into the likeness of his Son.

And in that moment my thoughts turn. From worry about my daughter to supplication at His throne. My concern remains, but rather than stew I now surrender. God, Healer, Father, Compassionate One... please heal my Amelia. Let there by no hidden or permanent damage. I understand a little bit more, for an instant at least, that to adopt Christ's likeness is to give thanks in all circumstances. At the last supper with his disciples, Jesus gave thanks before he distributed the bread (Matthew 26:26). He gave thanks, though he knew himself on the verge of the most horrific night in all of human history. He gave thanks. So today I give thanks. Thanks that Amelia is giggling and smiling today. Thanks that no matter what the extent of her injuries, we have access to the medical experts who can care for her. Thanks that no matter how I may feel like an anxious wreck because my little girl is in pain and discomfort and facing unknown treatment, God is still on His throne, caring for her, for me, with all love and tenderness and knowledge of what is to come. Thanks because God is God, and God is good. He hears my prayers, He collects my tears, He loves.

Today I am encouraged because the black bruising inside Amelia's lip is receding so that her gumline is pink again. I am encouraged because the swelling appears to have gone down a bit from yesterday, and this is only day two. I know there is more to be found out next week, but as of today, I am holding to the encouragement. Today, Friday evening, I am holding fast.

Words

2011-07-19T12:21:00.003-04:00

With profound concentration they grip the pen to tackle this monumental task. The letters, the spacing, the grip on the pen, the orientation of the page, the size--there is much to consider. A name.

I am Abigail. Or Abby. She likes both, but tends to like writing Abigail because it has more letters. Girl likes a challenge.

Amelia struggles with the letters, thinks on them hard. She knows them, somewhere back in her brain, hiding perhaps under more recent memories of stories read or play-doh masterpieces formed or imaginary games of princesses and dragons. Every time I think she may have forgotten she proves to me she has not; she's just taking her time. Each A, M, E, L, I, A is well-thought, deliberately displayed right. . . here. Just so.

I have started reading lessons with my kids. Each day I sit with each child and we review sounds and look at words on a page: see, me, am, ram, mat. I am impressed, impressed with all of them. Gabriel has a facility with it that pleases me. Writing is not his favorite, but his mind recognizes those letters and sounds and he is claiming them as his own. I know these sounds, I know these words. They are mine now, to take with me wherever I go. I am Gabriel.

To think these brilliant young minds are seeing, learning, recognizing, reading for the first time. Like little miracles for 15 minutes at a time each day.

Slippin' and slidin'

2011-07-06T22:16:00.002-04:00

Creating Magic

2011-07-06T12:43:00.004-04:00

Last weekend we hosted a birthday party at our home to celebrate my kids turning four years old. We had an "Under the Sea" theme--my first effort at having a themed party of any sort--and made loose reference to the theme throughout with octopus-covered party invitations, blue and green party decorations, and water-focused activities (a slip and slide and wading pool kept the kids happy for hours). The crowning glory? The cake, of course. Because what's a birthday party without cake? This year I made cupcakes actually, and decorated them to look like fish. They were a hit! Not surprisingly, the kids were especially delighted to pick out their favorite colors to feast on.

Putting this whole thing together gave me pause to think about how we try so hard to create magic for our children.

We're four!

2011-07-04T13:53:00.008-04:00

What a weekend it has been! Happy birthday to my three little sunshines. The picture above was taken on their birthday last Friday after the girls put on some dresses from Grandma and Grandpa. We took measurements on their growth chart (they've all grown another inch and a half or so in the past six months) and got a little treat for kiddos and mommy at Starbucks before we kicked off a busy birthday weekend. We've been having so much fun!

The kids' birthday party was a complete blast! Garrett constructed the key to our success--a homemade slip and slide--that kept all the kids busy and happy for the duration of the event, as well as manned the grill so no one went hungry. And that was about it. The formula for a great party? Good food, good company, and good entertainment that requires minimal parental involvement. Beautiful! Gabriel, Amelia, and Abigail had a blast all afternoon and we got several positive comments from happy guests, so I feel pleased with how it went. I know I had a good time and was delighted with the turnout. It was the first birthday party we've hosted at home that included some family at the event! It was great having Cabell and Reenie here to celebrate with us. And of course our out of town guests, Kevin and Christie and their little Max, added a fun flavor to the party and the entire weekend. Plus I didn't mind Christie's help decorating a few dozen birthday cupcakes!

Amelia, Abigail, Gabriel, and Max were pretty pooped after a busy Saturday of playing with friends and party hosting, so we took it easy on Sunday morning, then had our favorite babysitter over Sunday afternoon for a long stint of kid-duty while all the grown ups went into the city for one of the most fun Chicago ventures we've had! We meandered down Michigan Avenue and wandered briefly around Millenium Park. Then we headed to the boat docks on the Chicago River to board our architecture river tour. Garrett and I have had a river tour on our list of want-to's since we moved here and it was great to share the touristy attraction with some good friends who were also first-timers. After the tour we enjoyed a leisurely and tasty dinner at Smith and Wollensky steak house, then made our way to the Hancock building where we took an elevator to the 96th floor lounge. There were long lines to wait for the elevator, then long lines to wait for a table at the lounge. Thankfully, parties of four were getting seated pretty quickly so we got a table right on a corner of the lounge, looking north and west over enormous Chicagoland full of twinkling lights and early fireworks. We were all so full after our big dinner that we didn't really want to stay and order drinks, though we figured we should given that we were taking up space. Fortunately, our waitress must of been pretty swamped last night because she took so darn long to come take our order we had about ten or fifteen minutes to enjoy the magnificent view before we decided we'd had enough and made our exit to free up the table for another party. Not bad to save a few bucks and a few calories and still get the full benefit of the view! By the time we got home we were all sleepy and stuffed, but totally satisfied to have had ten hours (ten hours!) enjoying friends we've known since our fairly early days in Manhattan. Different city this time, but same great company!

Not to be outmatched by our fast-paced weekend, today has had some adventures of its own. Garrett drove Kevin, Christie, and Max to the airport so I took the kids to the park to play. I noticed the girls had found some small beads in the sawdust that they were toting around and didn't think much of it until Abigail came up to me crying, saying she got the bead up her nose. I couldn't see it but I tried to have her blow her nose to try to get it out. No luck. I'm not sure she was even blowing---I think she was sniffing--but explaining the nuances of blowing out rather than sucking in seemed ineffective on poor distressed Abigail, so I called the pediatrician's office and reached the on-call doctor. Of course it has to be a holiday when the doctor's offices are closed, and the doctor said since I couldn't see the object and I couldn't get her to blow it out, I'd need to take her to the ER. Ugh!

This was our first ER visit ever, if you don't include the earliest days of preemie life and Abby's re-admittance to the hospital at around three or four weeks old. Anyway, as much as I dreaded going to the ER (I'm not looking forward to seeing this bill), I am grateful that the "emergency" that took us there was a pea-sized bead up the nose rather than something even slightly more traumatic. We reached an almost empty ER, were ushered in by pleasant administrative staff and nurses, and the doctor had Abigail's nose emptied out within about ten minutes of our arrival. The kids each got a popsicle and stickers to bring home--I'm thinking they may have a pretty rosy association with the ER for a while. Not such a bad thing I guess.

Garrett was on his way home from the airport when I called and told him where we were headed so he met us at the hospital. When he got there he of course questioned Abigail about what she was doing sticking beads up her nose:

Garrett: So Abby, why'd you stick a bead up your nose.

Abigail: Well, I was pretending I was going to the airport, to get on an airplane, to go to Nana's...

Garrett: Oh yeah? So what was the bead for?

Abigail: I was pretending the bead was my ticket.

[Extended silence while Garrett and I try to deduce why Abigail would be sticking her ticket up her nose. We have yet to figure out how that makes sense. Any thoughts out there?]

Garrett: I see.

Abigail: Yeah.

And so that's how it went. And now Abigail and Amelia and Gabriel have been told, by a doctor, not to stick anything in their ears or their noses. Lessons learned every day.

So today is off to a great start. Now it's off to the car show and other great things. Happy Independence Day everyone!

Early birthday presents

2011-06-27T21:52:00.004-04:00

We have a busy weekend coming up. Amelia, Abigail, and Gabriel turn four on Friday. That afternoon our friends Kevin and Christie are coming to visit for the weekend with their ten month old baby boy Max. While they're here we're going to be plenty busy with a fabulous birthday party on Saturday, date night for the grown-ups on Sunday, plus I'm sure a lot of other filler to keep us busy for a few days until they fly home to North Carolina on Monday. I'm really excited about their visit. I haven't seen them for a couple years at least, but we once lived in the same building together on the Upper East Side of Manhattan and have been good friends ever since. I'm really excited to meet Max and of course I relish any opportunity to show off my own gorgeous brood of children. But all that to say that with so much on our plate over the kids' birthday weekend, Garrett and I figured we better get going with their birthday present from mommy and daddy before the day came and went. So this past Saturday we took them to the bike shop!

Wow, to think that I'm getting bikes for my kids when only last year they were mastering tricycles. There's something really big and grown up about two-wheelers, even if they do come outfitted with training wheels. These bikes are big and they go fast and they have real brakes and goodness gracious, my kids are just getting so darn big. For the last few weeks we've been borrowing a balance bike from the neighbor down the street. Balance bikes are basically two-wheelers without pedals with seats low enough that the kids can propel themselves with their feet, Flintstone's style. The idea is that they learn how to balance before complicating the matter with pedals, and they can skip straight to regular two-wheelers without training wheels. I love the concept and am impressed that Gabriel is already doing great balancing, and Amelia is well on her way. Abigail hasn't practiced as much with the balance bike, but I'm sure she would catch on quickly. We decided to buy them regular bikes because balance bikes can be pricey and they are just a temporary step. I had decided we would just take the pedals off their regular bikes and lower the seats so they could simulate the balance bike idea until they were comfortable putting the pedals back on. Unfortunately, when you buy bikes for three kids at a time, you look for ways to be economical. Like buying from Toys r Us instead of the local bike shop. And Toys R Us doesn't specialize in especially adjustable bikes, so when we got them home we realized the seats do not go low enough to allow the kids' feet to touch the ground.

Bummer.

So, the quasi-balance bike idea isn't going to work. Oh well. Training wheels it is, with a dose of continued borrowing of the neighbor's balance bike when it's available. On the up side, the cool thing about the bikes they got is they look perfect! Bright colors, princesses, purple glitter, tassles, cool BMX styling... the works. The kids are super excited about riding their own bikes and though it will take some time to get their legs under them, so to speak, I'm pleased that they are excited and I feel like I am just watching them grow up by the minute the more comfortable they get. We've gone on a bike ride around the neighborhood every day this week and they're getting more and more confident. It's very fun!

Fun with Nana

2011-06-27T13:53:00.011-04:00

My mom came to visit about a week and a half ago and we spent a busy several days enjoying the outdoors and each other's company. This visit, perhaps more than any other, I really got a kick out of watching the kids with my mom. They are so active and adventurous now, and so eager to bring other people into their vibrant make believe worlds. Nana was a great sport, playing with the kids and reading them stories for sometimes hours at a time. I was especially fortunate each morning when the kids reached Nana's room before they reached mine, so I got to sleep later than normal for several days in a row! We used having a visitor in town as a great reason to get out and explore some areas we haven't experienced ourselves. On Saturday we went to the Morton Arboretum in Lisle, IL. I was impressed! The arboretum is where Cabell and I ran our 10k race in April, so I'd been there before, but the day of the race was overcast and drizzly and we quickly made an exit after the run was over. This past weekend the weather was hot but not unbearable and we got to explore some of the children's garden. I had heard it was a sight to see, but I was still taken aback with just how extensive it was and how much fun it was. There are great activities for older kids and lots of hands-on displays and play areas for the littler ones. We easily could have spent hours more than we did, though we wanted to get home so Garrett could try his hand at cooking a yummy chicken dinner on our new rotisserie! It was a lovely day and really fun to explore another local gem.

On Sunday mom wanted to take advantage of the weekend to see Cabell, so we all trekked into the city to spend the day with Cabell and Reenie. It was another beautiful day and we got to check off another must-do item from our list. We went to the Chicago beach on Lake Michigan and spent a large chunk of the day playing in the sand and splashing in the water. It was the kids' first visit to a beach that big and they absolutely loved it! Gabe and Abby took a chance getting buried in the sand and I think liked it in theory more than they liked it in real life. All the adults marveled at how those kids just never stop moving through. It's really amazing to watch. Their energy is impressive, though I can't say exactly contagious. We were all pretty sluggish after a couple hours under the sun so we packed up, made a brief appearance at a peace festival that looked like an unfortunate celebration of drug use and dirt, then went to the Chicago river walk to enjoy a quiet dinner at O'Brien's, Reenie's family's restaurant. It was a great day. I've really loved spending so much time with my family lately, with our Seattle trip and mom's visit. I still wish I saw Cabell more often since we're so close to each other, but I am grateful to be a part of each other's lives now in a way we never could be at a geographical distance.

Mom ended her visit as she almost always does, showering us generously with gifts and treats. With the kids turning four on July 1 she was eager to pick out presents for the kids to celebrate with. We took them to the toy store so they could show her exactly what they wanted. It was hilarious! Abigail found a little shopping cart just her size and started marching around the store filling it with whatever please her--a mermaid ("because Amelia has a mermaid mommy but I don't have a mermaid"), a ball-shaped ladybug, silly bands, princess dolls, a butterfly net--you name it. If it caught her eye, it went in the cart. It was a hoot watching her strut around picking out her favorite things. Amelia joined in on the fun as well while Gabriel got stuck in the corner of the store with the train tables and never made it much beyond that. We walked out of the store with a host of princesses with dress up outfits and some big girl jewelry (clip-on earrings!) for the girls, and Gabriel struck it big with a brand new train layout for his train table to augment the paltry beginnings Garrett and I got for him at Christmas. I've been delighted to see that the kids are thrilled with their new treasures and have been playing hard with them ever since mom's departure. We don't get a lot of new toys around here--pretty much just at Christmas and birthdays, so it's been nice to see that Nana hit the jackpot with these ones and the kids are really enjoying their gifts. Thanks again Nana!

Wait, there's still more of May!

2011-06-22T23:44:00.011-04:00

So my blog is getting very out of order because I can't seem to quite catch up with things. I don't have such a huge amount to say about things in the past except when they are as significant as traveling to Seattle for my dad's wedding, I think they warrant some attention. Unfortunately I do not have any photos from the wedding because I decided I would have a better time enjoying the festivities than acting as photographer (I hope to see the professional shots sometime soon--the setting of the reception photos was gorgeous prime Lake Washington property). So, ironically, on a weekend that centered around my dad and his bride Gretchen, I currently have no photos of my dad or of Gretchen to share. But since the occasion did bring my siblings and I all together in our hometown, I did get some shots from family time later in the weekend. So I'll share those.

Dad's wedding was on Saturday afternoon. On Friday evening Dad and Gretchen hosted a casual gathering at their house, which was the first chance I had to meet and talk at any length with Gretchen's children (my new step-siblings!) and their spouses and kids. It was a really fun evening and all our new acquaintances were eager to meet our kids, whom we had left home with Nana to recuperate from the afternoon of travel and time change. The wedding the next afternoon was very small and intimate, taking place in the chapel of St. Thomas Episcopal church, where I attended as a kid and my dad has attended faithfully for pretty much as long as I've known him. The ceremony was lovely and the reception afterward, hosted by some close friends, was picturesque. Unfortunately the overall celebratory feel of the event was starkly overshadowed by the fact that Gretchen became ill on the day of the wedding and was feeling sick throughout the affair. She made it through the wedding and about an hour and a half of the reception--long enough to take some pictures--before she headed to the hospital to rule out anything serious and then headed home to sleep it off. Thankfully she was feeling back to her normal self within a couple days, but I think it goes without saying that the wedding and related events would have been a lot more enjoyable had the bride been able to fully participate.

Since the King family kids and spouses and significant others were all in town we took advantage of Sunday afternoon to spend some time together as a family. We went to Gasworks Park in Seattle and mostly watched the kids play, then had dinner that evening. I had a great time connecting with my brothers and was only bummed we didn't have more time to spend. But I'm grateful for the weekend, even if it felt short, and I'm glad we got some great pictures to capture the memories.

Welcome summer!

2011-06-08T19:42:00.001-04:00

In celebration of the onslaught of summer (it has been hot this week! It is especially noticeable after our particularly cold and dreary spring), I thought I would share pictures from some of our family's activities this week, as well as some amazing insights my little munchkins shared tonight at dinner. I asked them, "What do you think I [Mommy] like to do?" Their answers were revealing:

Doing silly dances (I admit it, they're right)
Watching grown up shows
Giving kisses to daddy (boy are they perceptive!)
Getting dressed (Love it so much I do it every day, sometimes more than once!)
Writing (I was actually pretty impressed with this one)
Swimming in the wading pool
Playing tag and Simon Says
Talking to my friends

I had so much fun listening to their answers! I thought for sure they'd say something like "Playing on your computer," which I'm glad they didn't say, but nevertheless feel the urge to pull myself away. Perhaps I'll use the pull of the sunny outdoors to motivate me. It may be hot and muggy out there, but I'll take it. Welcome, summer!

Daddy got sparklers! Lighting up for the first time

Hey, these are cool!

Oooh, so sparkly!

I am Gabriel, The Illuminator!

Pool time!

Let me in!

How do we get mommy in here with us?

California part 2

2011-06-02T15:21:00.008-04:00

After Disneyland we spend a quiet day driving north toward Roseville, outside Sacramento, to spend a few days visiting Ben, Havilah, and their three boys Judah, Hudson, and Grayson. Besides the uncharacteristically cold and rainy California weather, our time with them was great. It was really fun to watch all the little cousins play together. It actually felt remarkably relaxing to hang around the house with the kids because I felt almostas free to do my own thing as I do when there are no kids at all--they were that absorbed in playing together.

We had a couple fun outings to the park and the train museum, spend a fair amount of time at their church, and one night we were fortunate to have a babysitter game to put six kids to bed, so Ben, Havilah, Garrett and I got out for a fun date night in downtown Sacramento. What a treat!

A big highlight of the trip for me personally was the chance to spend some time in prayer with Havilah and her dad, Francis, who is the pastor of their church, the Rock of Roseville. I believe wholeheartedly in the gift of prophecy and prophetic words and Pastor Francis and Havilah both spent a substantial amount of time speaking over me and Garrett both. Their words are still echoing in my mind and heart and I'm dying to get my hands on the recording that was thankfully created during our meeting. I came away surprised and challenged and encouraged and mostly just excited to dig into God's word and see how He is and will continue to be molding me for His work going forward. I was incredibly blessed to hear confirmation of God's hand in my life and once again be reminded of the truth of Jeremiah 29:11-13: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

For the love of princesses

2011-06-01T23:11:00.005-04:00

Abigail came bursting up the stairs yesterday afternoon exclaiming, "Mommy, come look! Cinderella!" I promptly followed her downstairs to lay my eyes on this masterpiece:

Have you ever seen a princess so lovely? I was, I believe, appropriately impressed with Abigail's keen attention to detail. You'll notice she included the puffed sleeves on Cinderella's gown, earrings, and a luscious ponytail ("and here's her rubber band," Abigail explained, pointing out how Cinderella contains that wild mane of hers). I was indeed impressed. So impressed, you'll see, that I took pictures. Isn't my daughter an amazing artist?

Calling Shotgun

2011-06-01T20:25:00.002-04:00

When I think of my kids, I think of what a fun stage they’re going through right now. At almost four years old they a have me in stitches on a regular basis. Their vernacular, their voice inflection, their facial expressions--it’s as though I can’t fathom how these little kids came to be from the toddlers and infants they were earlier. There is nothing more fun than right now. And yet when I think of it, I can’t remember a time when I haven’t thought that--that this moment right now, this stage, is the most fun. Now to be clear, I don’t completely have my rose colored glasses on right now. I can tell you about the tough things with each stage as well, and even as my kids are making me laugh I know that sometime in the coming half hour or so one or more of them will make me cringe. Kids are hard. But they’re wonderful, aren’t they? It just seems that they are always wonderful.

But then I got to thinking. I got to thinking that there are five people in my family, and my kids only make up three of them. Then there’s me, doting on them and laughing at their clever antics--that’s four. But wait, there’s still one more. Five, yes, my husband. Unforgettable number five.

What’s he doing at number five?

We went to Disneyland!

2011-05-31T12:36:00.007-04:00

What a busy month it has been! I have to admit I'm touched that a couple people contacted me wondering whatever happened to my blog. It feels good to know some of you keep up with me and actually miss me when I'm gone. It truly has been a topsy-turvy month with lots of traveling and visiting with family. It has been both wonderful and exhausting and I'm grateful to be home with a brand new collection of special memories. I won't be able to cover our whole month in one post but I figured I may as well get started with some of the highlights from our trip to California.

We have been hoping to visit Ben's family in California for some time, ever since our newest nephew, Grayson, was born in January. And while the Sacramento area is not exactly right next door to Disney, we figured we couldn't fly all the way to California without a jaunt through the happiest place on earth. We arrived in California, met up with Garrett's parents who had flown down from Portland to join us for our Disney adventure, and after a quick trip through In-N-Out Burger (my first ever--it seemed tasty enough) we headed to the hotel. Our family had an adjoining room with Garrett's folks so it worked nicely to put the kids to bed and then spend some time visiting next door with Vern and Linda.

We had two days at Disneyland and while it was all the cliches (exhausting, exciting, magical), it was just plain fun. Garrett and I had always thought we would wait until the kids were older to take them to Disney, wait until they were of an age where they could really experience it and remember it. Boy am I glad we didn't wait. At three years old Disneyland is such a fantasy world. The kids were bug eyed and slack jawed, and every sentence ended in an exclamation point. Highlights included meeting Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White, and driving the cars in Autopia. Gabriel got his picture taken with Lightning McQueen and loved just about every ride with equal passion. Though we did make the mistake of taking the kids on The Pirates of the Caribbean. I had a sinking feeling about it before we ever got in line, but I allowed my judgment to be clouded and spent the entire ride shielding Gabriel's and Amelia's eyes, waiting for the ride to end. I was struck at how scary Disneyland rides can really be, even the ones geared toward the toddler set. Even the Winnie the Pooh ride involved dark and stormy twists and turns with howling winds and ominous sound effects. It's a Small World, though loathed for it's unforgettable and incessantly chipper tune, was a welcome treat, even if it did involve a certain young person having a certain accident on the leg of my pants. So it goes with Disneyland with little ones. I was pleased that Amelia, Abigail, and Gabriel made it through two complete days of walking, waiting in lines, and eating gut-wrenching grease without a single tantrum. Tears yes, but tantrums no. The biggest disappointment was that the first day I think there were at least five rides we waited for where we were the last group of people not to make it on, so we had to wait for the next ride. There's nothing more devastating to a young Gabriel than getting to the front of the line to ride the Disney train just to have the gate shut in your face and a train conductor smile and say "Next train'll be here in just a moment," meaning in twenty minutes or so. Thankfully our second day in the park had much fewer disappointments in that regard, and Gabriel still said that the rides were his favorite part of the park.

Garrett and I were incredibly blessed to have his parents along to help with the kids. Just watching them enjoy their grandkids was a real treat, and watching the kids interact with them is always special. Because we don't live near any of the kids' grandparents sometimes I wonder what kind of relationship they will all have. When we first got to California we met up with Vern and Linda at the rental car lot. We took a shuttle to the lot and beat Vern and Linda by about half an hour or so. While Garrett put the car seats in the rental van, the kids and I waited by the shuttle drop-off for Grandma and Grandpa to arrive. Gabriel became so distressed as time passed and shuttles continued to arrive without Vern and Linda aboard that he finally burst into tears. He was still crying ten minutes later when they finally did arrive and then became so shy and reserved that for a while he wouldn't even look at them. By the end of the evening he was bouncing off the walls and climbing them like jungle gyms, but I can only imagine the conflicting emotions that race through a little kid when they are excited out of their minds to be with someone yet not quite familiar with their presence. After our second day of Disneyland we were heading out of the park for the night. Linda was carrying Abigail and Abigail started talking about her friends: Ava, Mia (two girls we get together with regularly for playdates) and Grandma and Grandpa. I could tell that Grandma was clearly delighted to make the short list. I was pleased as well, and hope we can continue to foster close relationships between the kids and their grandparents as they get older.

A day in spring

2011-05-06T09:49:00.007-04:00

When you are surrounded by beauty all the time, sometimes it takes a jolt of new color to awaken you to the full panorama. Every morning now I open Gabriel's curtains to a tree covered in stunning blossoms, pink and red and full of life, and then I turn around to see an even more stunning sight: a little boy growing in knowledge and grace.

We go for a walk to the playground at the local elementary school and spring is alive all around us. I could get exasperated by how often we have to stop along the way to peer at dandelions and pick up sticks, but it's hard to stay frustrated when delicate pink fingers put bright sunshine in my hand and say, "This one's for you Mommy." Nothing shines quite so bright as gifts picked in love.

I try to remember that every gift from little hands is a plucking from their hearts to mine. I may see clutter or just another guilt-laced decision (is it really okay to throw away this fourth drawing she's lovingly labored over for my sake?), but each gift is a pearl. A beautiful girl giving a piece of the beauty she adds to the world for her mommy to hold onto long after the dandelion fades or the drawing gets lost under a growing pile of art. Who knew that one day I might look at a pair of sparkly silver sneakers with pink and purple stripes and feel the same surge I felt one day in a hospital room looking at my perfect babies for the first time?

Across a field of grass and dandelions and wildflowers I watch them glide down the path, short legs racing furiously to keep up with zooming pedals. Everything is new to a child; every season is different than the last. We have started keeping lists, because the age has come when they can look forward to something in the future and know that some day the future becomes now. At the top of Amelia's birthday list is bunk beds. I am charmed and also incredulous. Weren't you just getting comfortable on a tricycle only last year? As though tricycles and lofted beds have some sort of linear growth pattern to follow. You are growing into the most beautiful little girl. I love watching every second yet I want to stop time so you don't get away from me too fast. I'm afraid to blink, that you might grow up when I'm not looking.

Amelia makes me ache and exult in simultaneous moments of joyful anguish. How can love be so agonizing? How can this torment be so sweet? I want to shield her from the world at the same time I want to boost her to the mountain tops for everyone to behold: Here! Here is my stunning girl, a soft and gentle spirit, a gem. Isn't she miraculous?

Aren't they all miraculous? The blooming of spring, a world awakening, my eyes being opened.

God's wonders, always miraculous.

Building Foundations of Truth

2011-05-04T19:09:00.003-04:00

My daughter has a new favorite song. I can’t say I’m a fan of the tune. It’s not exactly catchy and the harmony could use some bolstering. But I will say that I love the lyrics: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13.

Yup, the newest hit tune around here, besides a newfound and apparently insatiable appetite for anything by the Newsboys, is our latest memory verse. I am so intensely proud of my kids for memorizing the word of God. They know six verses now and we review them regularly, adding new ones as they solidify the old. This latest verse is the first I’ve set to a tune, but I’ve been delighted with how quickly they picked it up and how much they enjoy reciting it back to me.

It is difficult to underestimate the importance of filling our children’s minds with the word of God from an early age. There’s certainly no shortage of other information filtering its way into their hungry little brains.

Easter brunch

2011-04-28T16:50:00.007-04:00

Easter weekend was a whirlwind for us, in a wonderful way. On Saturday our small group from church got together for a pre-Easter brunch and it was so much fun! We all got dressed in our Easter best and our great hosts Kate and Steve hosted a potluck complete with cookie decorating and Easter egg hunting for the little ones. Garrett and I made ourselves so welcome we ended up staying for the whole day. After the brunch crowd dwindled we ate lunch, then got to chatting and hanging out, then Steve and Garrett decided to hit the driving range together and by the time they got back they were discussing what to throw on the grill for dinner. It was a wonderful impromptu day! Amelia, Abigail, and Gabriel got along great with their boys Jed and Max, and their baby Dash made a perfect completion to the happy houseful. It was another blessing of good new friends in a time when our hearts were already grateful for His incredible blessing in our lives.

Amelia considers cookie decorating ideas

Gabe's edible masterpiece. He soon after decided he doesn't like Red Hots!

Abigail and Gabriel decorating alongside their buddies

Easter flowers

Easter egg hunt! Parents, get out your cameras!

This is one excited egg hunter!

Ha! This is easy.

Abigail takes advantage of the toys

Meeley and mommy

All the kiddos. Amelia and Abigail are the only girls!

The small group ladies: Laura, Lindsey, Kate, Carrington, Kelly, Alissa

Family!

On Friday evening Garrett and I had watched The Passion of the Christ, something we try to do regularly around Easter, and as always we were sobered yet also so utterly grateful for Christ's sacrifice on the cross, and then his victory over death! Praise God for His humanity; praise Him for His divinity. I hope God blessed you this Easter season as well and gave you respite to ponder the wonders of His love.

Race fever

2011-04-18T17:27:00.003-04:00

I've been bitten by the bug.

Last weekend I ran in my first race since well before kids. I've actually only run two races before--an 8K in Portland almost a decade ago and the Hood to Coast relay with a team from work back when Garrett and I worked at InFocus. I've never considered myself a full-fledged runner, though before the Hood to Coast I fancied myself on my way.

In 2005, the summer after we moved to Manhattan, I was running in Central Park and did something to seriously injure my knee. It was a gradual injury, in that I was not aware of the exact moment in happened but I started feeling some discomfort mid-run and by the time I finished I had trouble walking home. I limped around for several days and took a nasty dive or two down the subway stairs before I finally got it checked out and was told I had developed tendonitis in my Iliotibial (IT) Band. I was prescribed several months of physical therapy that was finally canceled because my insurance company decided I should be cured by now, though I wasn't. I was better, but never pain free when running.

I got pregnant somewhere around the time PT ended and if you're familiar with this blog, you know what life has been like since then. Not a lot of time, energy, or motivation to devote toward healing from an old running injury. But last fall when we joined the Y and I started exercising again with some regularity I decided to give running another shot. I've tried several times in the past few years to get in a run here and there but my knee has always been an issue. I've been nervous that my tendonitis would keep me from ever really running again. But I don't really want to accept that, so when I started running again this time I just stopped or walked when my knee started hurting and got back to running when the pain went away. And slowly, eventually, I was able to run farther and farther. At first I couldn't run a mile. But leading up to last weekend I was able to run six miles without a problem. It seemed I was on my way.

The race on Saturday was so fun. Cabell came to the 'burbs and ran it with me and I was so grateful for the company and the chance to do something fun like that with my big bro. I was even pretty pleased with my race time. I finished 10k in one hour, 41.9 seconds. But I was hugely disappointed because my knee started bugging me at mile 3 and never let up, and the rest of the weekend I was it was painful just to walk on. I was pretty nervous that I seriously did a number on it, but late yesterday it started feeling better and today it's back to almost completely normal. No pain at all. So I'm hopeful that after another day or two of rest I'll be able to get back to pounding the pavement. I want to run another race!

I looked at some races online and there's a 10 mile trail run over a hilly, somewhat cross-country type course in July. Sounds fun to me. It feels good to get out and move again! It was also awesome to have Garrett and Reenie and the kids at the finish line cheering Cabell and me on to the finish. Maybe next time they won't have to bundle up so much (winter coats, boots, and scarves in mid-April!).

Young love

2011-04-11T22:02:00.004-04:00

Spring seems to be taking its sweet time in getting here this year, but this week we are finally seeing several consecutive days of milder weather and last weekend was actually really nice. Sunny, warm, and definitely barbecue-worthy, so we had our friends Chris and Alissa and their boys Jack and Cole over to inaugurate our grill. We all had a blast spending time together and watching our kids play amazingly well. Gabriel has been smitten with their son, Jack, ever since we started hosting our church small group in our home and Jack comes over every other week to spend a couple hours in our basement playing all the boy games Gabriel can dream up. I'm not sure if Gabe's affection for Jack is due to the fact that Jack is the first boy close in age that Gabriel really got to know since we moved here, or if Jack truly is a kindred spirit. In any case, it was great to watch the boys running and tackling each other and wrestling like only little boys can. I can only hope we don't have any love triangles starting up here though. While Gabe is intent on claiming Jack as his newest BFF (Gabe has been known more than once to refuse to say goodbye to Jack when he leaves, but to reason, "Even if I don't say goodbye to him, I can still love him."), Jack seemed to be paying an awful lot of attention to a sweet young thing named Abigail. This pretty little princess giggled and teased and batted her eyelashes all through a tasty supper of hot dogs and watermelon, and Jack drank it all in. After dinner we all went on a walk around the neighborhood to enjoy the evening and let the food settle. I kid you not, Abigail received her first marriage proposal from young Jack, who, poor thing, did not get a straight answer, but when he then asked Abby if he could ride her bike she promptly quipped "No!" and pedaled away. Ah, to be young and in love. Methinks this truly marks the beginning of spring!

What makes us different

2011-04-07T20:48:00.003-04:00

Photo by www.photographybyjoelle.com

There are things I notice about people after having triplets that I would have been skeptical of had I not witnessed them first-hand: strangers unabashedly asking personal questions about my fertility; strangers unreservedly sharing personal information about their own fertility or that of their friends and relatives; strangers, acquaintances, and friends alike comparing their own experiences with my own and ultimately concluding that they are close to one and the same. What mother of multiples has not heard some version of “well my sister had three kids under four so it was pretty much the same as triplets,” or “my kids are only 17 months apart so I know what it’s like to have twins”?

I would like to suggest that having multiple children in quick succession is not the same as having twins, or triplets, or any other high order multiples. I have no doubt that having kids one right after another comes with challenges and struggles and hair-raising moments. But it is its own version of hard, not a mirror image of what it’s like to have the same number of children all on the same day.

Continue reading

Dayton bound

2011-04-04T23:22:00.003-04:00

Gabriel and I made our trip to Dayton last weekend to visit Kim and family, including her new baby boy Ian. The photo above shows the happy facesKim and I got to watch almost all weekend long while Gabe and Jade played together beautifully. They really got along well, to the pure delight of their parents who got quite a bit of undistracted time to ohh and ahh over Ian and catch up. We had a packed weekend including the children's museum, a trip to the bounce house for the kids with Kim's husband Kaz, a morning of mall walking (intended to be window shopping, but the Dayton mall takes its time opening onSundays), and plenty of relaxing at home while the little ones played. That is to say I got in plenty of relaxing. With a newborn attached to her hip I'm sure my visit was less than completely restful for Kim, but she and Kaz as always were incredibly hospitable hosts. I still dream of theday when they don't have to "host" me at all because my appearance is more common, but that will have to wait for one day down the road when we live a whole lot closer than we currently do. As it is, I'm delighted to finally be within decent driving distance so I can see Kim several times a year instead of once. We're at least moving in the right direction!

My time with Gabey last weekend was really special and I'm so glad that now I've had a chance to take all three munchkins to Kim's for a weekend away, though Amelia's turn was about two years ago now. Gabriel was so taken with his time with Jade and the activities we did it really felt like he kind of did his own thing most of the weekend, but I still cherished the quiet times we had and the travel time, during which we got to do some super special things like having dinner together just the two of us. It's amazing how such a simple thing can be so packed with precious moments when one on one time is so novel. We indulged on popcorn and even a donut on the drive home and it's those little things that are remembered and talked about long after the trip is over.

Simple pleasures

2011-03-31T22:42:00.004-04:00

A month ago when Garrett and his buddy Mike drove the contents of our Washington storage uint to our home in Naperville we started the process of sorting through the past and resurrecting some of the treasures that haven't seen the light of day since we moved to New York in 2005. Among my favorite items recently unpacked is my saddle from my equestrian days of yore. I promptly set up the saddle on my saddle rack in the spare room in preparation for fantasy rides, during which I can go sit on my saddle and practice my equitation and pretend there's actually a horse beneath me. To my utter delight, my kids have come to love going for rides in my saddle and their wild imaginations far exceed my own. I placed a toy hobby horse in front of the saddle to complete the visual package, and this afternoon while I organized my growing collection of books (also courtesy of our old storage unit) the kids had a thorough grooming session then hit the trails with their beloved pony.

These are the treasures of my past meeting the current treasures of my heart. Hopefully someday it won't all be make believe. But even if it is, I'd say this is pretty darn good.

Little swimmers

2011-03-30T14:55:00.004-04:00

Swim lessons this week have been a blast. I've loved the structure of having the same thing at the same time every day. Some days I go early to work out, other days I take my time in the morning and get there just for class. It's nice. I'm finding though that just because my schedule is not packed with lots on the to-do list, I still feel overwhelmed and overburdened. I've been feeling annoyed this week, like my fuse is short, and I have to be careful how I fill all that time that my calendar says I have but I don't feel like I've used wisely by the end of the day. Garrett graciously pointed out today that he needs me to take it easy and spend an afternoon doing something I want to do instead of checking more things off the list if that will help prevent a frustration-induced meltdown at some point in the immediate future. So I've had to sit back today and assess--why am I feeling so strung out despite my free and easy schedule? I've come up with two things:

1) Whining kids

2) Housework

Honestly, it's as simple as it gets. I hate whining. Hate it with a newfound passion that I think rivals any passion I've ever had. And it seems that my kids are becoming first rate champion whiners. Give them a word, any word, and they can turn it into a five syllable melodic fingers-on-chalkboard experience for all within hearing distance. It's enough to take me to the edge within a split second. May the grace of God pour on me! Because I know it's these moments, the ones that seem so insignificant and so uneventful, that show our true character. God give me compassion when all I want is to find a conveniently sized sock to stick in the offending noise maker. Give me wisdom to know how to respond so as to discourage the whining without offending the sensibilities of my growing, learning children. Give me patience, forgiveness, humility, and the memory every time I need it that I was in fact a whiner myself, much to my parents and brothers' annoyance, I'm sure.

And housework. Wow. Before we moved I thought about housework about as often as I think about Spanish verb conjugation--not never, but I'd say very rarely. Cleaning was low on my priority list, and tidying up is pretty easy in a small place. I feel like we live in a palace now and the grime is just never ending. And while I care about the cleanliness of my home and I want it to be pleasant to be here, the amount of work it takes just to keep it sort of clean seems to consume all my time not spent directly with the kids or in the kitchen. I just want to have some time to do something I actually want to do! Even now the things I enjoy feel like a chore in some ways because my time is so limited and interrupted that no matter what I'm doing it seems there's something else I should be doing instead. I sit to read a book and wonder if I should be blogging. I sit down to blog and wonder if I should, if I should.... shoot. I guess I wonder if I should sit down and try to remember what it is I like to do for fun. But even the fun stuff seems stressful sometimes.

I think I may just need a reality check here. The truth is I get to do lots of things I like to do. I've gotten to exercise again for the past six months. And it's my own fault I'm not more productive doing fun stuff during my evenings instead of crashing in front of the TV with Garrett. Although the hang out time with hubby is nice. Not to mention the fact that "being productive" and "having fun" never used to have to occupy the same sentence. Sheesh, life is just hectic sometimes, even when it's not over-scheduled. I guess I'm just feeling it this week. But all that to come back to the beginning where I said that I really truly have enjoyed taking the kids to swim lessons this week because I am just so filled with pride when I watch them. It brings me such amazing joy to see them face challenges and have so much fun! Thank God for His lessons. I admit I'm still figuring the lessons of this week out, but I know our weaknesses are His chance to show His strength, so bring it on God! I praise You for the challenges You allow, for the chance to grow more like Jesus. And thanks for giving me three amazing teachers along the way!

What a day!

2011-03-28T17:15:00.002-04:00

This morning the only thing on my calendar for the day was swimming lessons at 10:45. This week the kids are taking a week of free swim lessons at the Y and other than that our days are pretty open. I thought it would be a pretty quiet day. But then I decided to head to the Y early so I could get in a run on the treadmill. And then before we left home I decided to call the doctor to make an appointment for the girls because they have been sick and coughing for four weeks now. Ugh. So we got an appointment for 12:30, which seemed just about perfect after our morning agenda.

So we get to the Y and I have just about enough time to comfortably do my four miles before I get the kids out of Kiddy Country in time for their swim lesson. I'm on the treadmill, chugging away, and my phone rings. I wouldn't be inclined to answer it while I'm running but I saw it was Kelly, a friend of mine from our small group who is an avid runner and marathoner. We just went running together for the first time last Saturday and I guess I thought it was kismet that she called while I was running. I also thought it was weird that she was calling because she and her husband and son are on vacation this week in the good old pacific northwest. Maybe I thought she was calling to complain about the drizzle to someone who'd been there. Anyway, I picked up and Kelly announced she and her husband forgot to take their passports with them (they are spending the second half of their vacation in Vancouver, BC) and asked if I could go to her house, get the passports, and overnight them to her.

And here's what I thought: Praise God!

Because any normal person who is willing to ask a big favor of someone presumably feels some comfort level with that someone. And even if she didn't feel comfortable asking me, she asked me anyway, which means she at least thinks something good about me. Which means I am making friends! Real friends, who inconvenience themselves for other people and feel good doing it. It was awesome. Really, such a great feeling to be blessed with someone trusting me with a favor. And so I said no problem, happy to do it, and I was.

So after my run the kids had their first swim lesson and that was really fun and my kids are just the super cutest and I'll have to take the camera to one of our lessons this week. Then we got all cleaned up and dressed and headed to the doctor for a confirmation that no, a cough after four weeks is not normal and yes, it's time to try antibiotics because even I, who hesitate to overmedicate, think it's not right that my girls are still having coughing fits that wrack their poor little bodies for half an hour on end. (By the way, little bodies is true, though we got to weigh the kiddos today and they are growing so big! Abigail is 29 pounds (9th percentile), Amelia is 31 pounds (23rd) and Gabriel is 35 pounds (52 percentile! I've never seen weight percentile numbers like that with them ever!) Anyway, we walked away from the doctor's office with two prescriptions in hand.

Off to Kelly's house to find the passports. I get to their house and get inside and call Kelly and it only takes us four tries to find the passports together over the phone, then I'm off to the pharmacy to drop of the prescriptions then on to the UPS store to overnight the passports. I get to UPS and give them the address Kelly gave me and the zip code and city don't match. So I call Kelly. She says she'll call the friend whose address she's using and call me right back. So I wait. And wait. And wait. And I think she must have called her friend and not reached her and maybe I could just guess at the zip code. Or leave and come back later. But neither of those seem like great options. But I'm not sure what to do because I'm sitting at the UPS store with three kids who haven't had a proper lunch and by now it's well past 2pm and Amelia and Abigail and Gabriel only have eyes for the candy machines by the door and they're begging me for quarters. I figure Kelly may still be on the phone trying to reach her friend so I call her husband. No answer. I call Kelly. No answer. I text Kelly. No answer. I call both Kelly and husband again. No answer. And now Amelia has to go to the bathroom. So I heave a sigh and take the three kids to the bathroom and begin seriously thinking I just have to leave and come back when Kelly calls and says something to the effect of, "I thought I already called you!" Um, what? I think what happened is Kelly confirmed the zip with her friend, hung up, and then meant to call me but instead called her friend right back and confirmed it again, thinking she was confirming it with me. So I'd been twiddling my thumbs at the UPS store for 25 minutes waiting to confirm an address that could have been confirmed in a few quick minutes! Ah, was I grateful for God giving me a sense of humor. I was honestly not peeved at all, but definitely thankful to finally walk out that door!

The kids were amazingly well behaved but I was truly testing their patience with all our running around today, and I was anxious to make a quick stop at the drive through pharmacy and head home. I get to the pharmacy and there was no line. Great! I drive up, ask for the meds, and then the waiting begins. Apparently our insurance company has not yet figured out that there's such a thing as multiples and that it's possible for siblings to be born on the same day. They didn't want to pay for two prescriptions for Cunnington children with the same birthday because they assumed I was filling two identical prescriptions for the same child. Thankfully I didn't have to do any of the explaining, it was the pharmacy worker who did all that, but she was on the phone with our insurance company for a good fifteen minutes convincing them Amelia and Abigail are indeed two separate people. I had to circle the drive through pharmacy to allow the line building up behind me to get through while our insurance debacle got cleared up. I got pretty tired of the whining in the car but have to admit I just wanted to join in. Thankfully after 20 minutes all told we were on our way, and we made it home to a late afternoon of playing and chores and bedtime.

Whew! Busy day. But truly such a blessing. I'm so thankful God gave me the perspective of one fortunate to, in a small way, be His hands and feet and help a friend. I'm thankful we have access to medicine that can help my girls get healthy again. I am thankful that I can be a blessing to the people around me. I am thankful.

And I think the busy-ness is just starting. For the past few weeks Garrett and I have been planning our spring and it's getting packed to the gills. This weekend Gabriel and I are headed to Dayton, OH again to visit Kim and meet her new baby boy! Ian Christopher was born March 11 and I can't wait to see his squishy little face in person, and have a weekend with my own little man. Also in April I have a 10k race I signed up for and convinced Cabell to run with me, then there's Easter and after that the possibility of my friend Michelle coming to visit again with her daughter Olivia and her new son Dexter. I'm so excited that I might get to bookend my April with new babies!

Then May is even more full, with a visit to Ben and Havilah in California when we get to see our three nephews, including the newest, Grayson Caleb, who was just born in January. Plus in California we're taking our first family trip to Disneyland! We get two days in the Magic Kingdom with the kiddos and I'm so excited! And I'm very grateful that Grandma and Grandpa, Garrett's parents, will be joining us for that portion of our trip to help us herd the little ones. We'll be in California for a week all together.

As if that weren't enough travel and excitement for one spring, just a few weeks ago I got the very exciting news that my dad is getting married! He and his bride, Gretchen, are wasting no time in getting started on their life together now that the decision has been made, and they've set the date for May 28, over Memorial Day weekend. So ten days after we fly home from California the whole family will be headed to the airport again to fly to Seattle for Papa's wedding! What a crazy and exciting month it will be! I just hope we can slow down enough in the in between times to take in all that's going on. It's funny how we started out thinking we would have a nice leisurely spring and now it seems almost every week is packed with major events. It's a little daunting, especially with the air travel and all the logistics that entails with the kids. But I'm looking forward to it too. The sun is coming out, the weather is warming up (oh so slowly), and we're on the move! God is good. God is so good.

May your spring spring you into happy action as well!

Thousands and thousands of words

2011-03-21T23:43:00.008-04:00

New additions

2011-03-20T22:50:00.006-04:00

Tonight Garrett and I went to Ribfest at our church, a couples event with lots of food and some good old country fun. I found out this morning that there would be a mechanical bull which excited the socks off me. I've never ridden one of those before but always thought it would be fun. So I signed up soon after we arrived and took my turn. Low and behold I did decent enough to get myself in the ride-off at the end of the night, and then I won the award for best rider and took home the prize! It was awesome. The prize was presented as a gift card to a local restaurant, but I think the real prize is bragging rights. I conquered the bull! Actually, I'm not sure I conquered anything, but I sure had fun. Gosh it feels good to do fun stuff with fun people. I am really feeling content with the friends and connections we're building through church and MOPS. I'm watching Garrett build stronger friendships than he has in a long time and it's just good for the soul.

This was all at the end of a very busy weekend, the most exciting event of which, aside from the increasingly beautiful and mild weather, was the welcoming of three new family members! The kids got their first pets this afternoon when they picked out Flippy, Swimmy, and Fisher at the pet store. Yup, that's right, we have three goldfish now, ready to teach our kids the joys and challenges of caring for a pet. Admittedly, goldfish are just one step up from stuffed animals when it comes to effort spent on their upkeep. Still, they are pretty, and they are alive, and I actually surprised myself with my own excitement at bringing animals into our home again. I miss animals. I miss that part of me that lived and breathed animals in so many areas of my life. For so much of my life animals have been instrumental in everything important to me--horses and dogs especially were my passion and my dream and at some points my career. The past several years with the kids being so young and us moving around so much I haven't had much time to miss the extra responsibility, but now that the kids are old enough to care about this stuff I feel a real excitement to share with them all the wonders of the animal world. Last week a neighbor cat started coming by our house to visit every once in a while and I watched with delight as the kids' fascination with her grew. I took the kids to the Humane Society on Friday to show them the cats and dogs and even though we're not ready to take one home I can feel the itch in me rising. Especially when Amelia and Gabriel and Abigail squeal in delight or pick out a favorite animal to tell daddy about when we get home.

Picking out our fish this afternoon was fun and exciting for me probably more than the kids, but they are still excited and I'm looking forward to teaching them about caring for an animal and watching them delight in God's creatures. Here are some pics of bringing our fish home:

The bowl pre-fish. So empty.

Amelia and Abigail waiting for daddy to bring the fish.

Are they in there yet?

Ah, there they are. Let's get this show on the road!

Let the pouring begin.

I see Swimmy!

Now Flippy and Fisher are home too.

Three happy kiddos.

Cute as a teddy bear's... wardrobe?

2011-03-16T19:04:00.005-04:00

I had to get these photos as proof of my daughters' ingenuity in the style department. My knee high stockings Amelia is wearing were icing on the cake, but I would like to point out that Amelia and Abigail have on, drum roll please, the shorts that belong to her Build-a-Bear. Yes, my three and a half year olds can rock short shorts like the teddies. Abigail has taken this household trend to new heights, as seen below, by adding the teddy bear shoes. The ensemble is especially endearing from the back when the slit in the shorts to accommodate the tail is plainly visible.

You could say that spending every day with three year olds is exhausting, but you can't say it doesn't come with a healthy daily dose of comedic interludes.

And as a side note, the living room is as far as short shorts will be going in this house, for as long as this mom can help it!

Rescue

2011-03-02T13:36:00.003-05:00

Gabriel was having so much fun in the water. He always does. He’d spent all summer in the kiddy pool at our apartment complex and today’s romp at our friend’s backyard pool was a special treat. Here the water was deeper. He could bounce in his swim ring and let his legs dangle in the encompassing water. He was bold, adventurous, confident. He was completely abandoned to happiness.

The picnic was set up on the tables near the pool. Adults were lounging, snacking, chasing after some of the kids and supervising the others in and near the water. My husband was sitting near the picnic table, nibbling and chatting and keeping his eyes on the pool. Eyes were definitely on the pool.

I walked outside after changing. I had put my dress back on over my swimsuit and my flip flops clung to my feet. I may have had a towel in my hand. And what I remember about that moment as I descended the stairs and took in the sight of my boy, my Gabriel, sinking below the surface of the water is this: a lot can happen in a split second.

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Gabriel the ham

2011-03-02T00:54:00.002-05:00

So Gabriel told his first joke today. I was buckling him into his car seat and he did something to make me laugh so I said, "Gabriel, you crack me up." To which he responded, "Mommy, even though I crack you up you're still not an egg."

I'm so used to my kids' non-sequitors that it took me a few seconds to realize the intention of his comment. And then it hit me--my son is hilarious! I laughed out loud. More than once. What great fun this is!

Ruminating

2011-02-25T20:43:00.003-05:00

Garrett is out of town and it's looking less and less likely that he'll be home tomorrow. He flew to Portland on Wednesday and is driving back to Chicago with a moving truck full of stuff from our storage unit. We've had a storage unit since 2005 when we moved to New York. Now that we finally have a house big enough to accommodate our treasures from the past we figured it was time to kiss the monthly storage unit payment goodbye. Weather this week has not been ideal on the drive route so Garrett and his buddy Mike aren't quite making the time they had hoped. I'm a little bummed about that, but would much prefer they be safe than recklessly try to get here by tomorrow night.

The kids and I are keeping fairly busy in Garrett's absence, but we do miss him. Even though we don't spend our days with him, when he's gone the rhythm of the house is different and sometimes the time drags in an unfamiliar way. We've had some friends over this week and I've made it to the Y to work out a few times, but still I find myself giving the kids a little more TV time to get through the day. I am so ready for spring! Definitely feeling a little itchy to get outside without piling on the layers.

With the evenings to myself this week I've had a lot of quiet time though, and my mind is still stirring with thoughts about the book we found at the library the other day and reflections on children's and youth literature. I am captivated by the idea of non-religious books with elements of faith. Do we really see that in literature today? At any age level? And how often? I know there are lots of Christian books written for kids, but what about books written for Christian kids--kids who aren't looking for something "Christian" to read but would still appreciate realistic characters who reflect people of faith. I can recall a few characters in mainstream movies or books that profess a faith, possibly a Christian one (though that specification is often rather nebulous), but it seems they all eventually cave to the ideals of the secular world around them. Are there any examples of young people of faith in contemporary movies or literature who don't eventually acquiesce to the behaviors and mindsets of their peers?

I think of the character Donna from the original Beverly Hills 90210 (am I dating myself?). For years she was the staunch good girl, identifying herself with a Catholic (if my memory serves) faith tradition and though she was a dubious model of Christian ideals, she did hold fast to her commitment to save sex for marriage. That is until her boyfriend became just so overpoweringly wonderful and loving that she threw caution to the wind, and of course never regretted it and from that point on her ideals became indistinguishable from those of her friends. An old example perhaps, but certainly one that stood out to me when I was a young Christian. Are there any more current portrayals of Christian characters who actual stick to their ideals and face the struggle, or the consequences, and still don't regret it? I know those kids exist in real life. What if there were some literature out there to reflect it? And what might it do for a non-Christian kid to see Christianity portrayed through a totally normal, perhaps even cool kid who just happens to cling to some high ideals? Must every Christian character be pushy, or naive, or blithely innocent, or just plain out of touch? I'll admit I like to laugh along with everyone else at The Simpson's Ned Flanders. But what does it say if that's the only kind of Christian today's youth really sees?

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this. My mind is just rolling all this over and I'm praying God would show me something, give me something, point me in some direction to satisfy this curiosity that has sprung in me in the past few days. I'm excited to be excited about something. Just hoping God will now give me some insight as to why this is so gripping my attention.

Finding God at the public library

2011-02-24T14:54:00.006-05:00

Amelia, Abigail, Gabriel, and I went to the library this morning to replenish our reading supply. Abigail requested more stories about princesses and what we came across just about knocked my socks off. We were reading through a cute little story entitled The Princess Twins and the Kitty.

It's a cute little pre-reader book about two princesses who lose track of a friendly kitty and proceed to look all around the castle grounds to find her. They look high and low to no avail, until they reach a door to the cellar. They hear meowing coming from below and know they need to go downstairs to find the kitty. That's when I came across this mind blowing page:

"I'm not going down there," Emma said.

Abby was afraid of the dark. Abby had to be very brave. "Jesus, help me be brave," prayed Abby.

What?! Abby prayed to Jesus? In a random princess book at the library? I was astonished by a number of things: that there were no tell-tale signs that this was a Christian book, that it was co-mingled among the general book population, and, perhaps most poignant, Abby prayed to Jesus, not God.

The story carried the theme through to the end. When Abby went downstairs to find the kitty:

Abby's knees shook. "Jesus is with me," said Abby.

Then Abby gets to the bottom of the stairs and finds the kitty in a box:

Tickle. Tickle.

Abby tickled Kitty's chin.

"Thank you, Jesus," prayed Abby, "for making me brave."

This whole story has my mind abuzz. I am so excited about finding this gem at the library. My mind is stirring with thoughts I've never really contemplated about literature for children pointing them toward Jesus. Not just Bible stories and stories with good moral themes, but stories about ordinary things in which Jesus plays a pivotal role, just like in real life. Because real life isn't lived inside some Christian bubble, even for those who try. Ordinary things happen, but Jesus still has a role to play in the unfolding. Is there literature out there to reflect that? Have I stumbled upon the tip of an iceberg, or is the berg just a cube and I just found the whole thing? If you have any thoughts on the great children's literature with a specifically Christian perspective, whether it's recommendations or lamentations about the lack of it, please leave a comment! I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Precious gifts

2011-02-23T12:18:00.002-05:00

I just had to show off my kids' artwork. This past weekend Cabell and Reenie came over to babysit so Garrett could take me out for my birthday. My birthday isn't until this coming Sunday, but Garrett will be out of town today through Saturday night or possibly Sunday, so we decided to mark the day a week early. While Garrett and I were out, Cabell and Reenie did some art projects with the kids and I came home to my first homemade birthday gifts! I love them. I've already hung them in my bathroom to add a desperately needed splash of color, and every day I get to look at my kids' artwork. So fun! I love that they are finally old enough to be really getting into the art projects. I don't do crafty stuff with them all that often, and I know it's not going to be my cup of tea on a regular basis--I'm actually pretty darn excited about preschool so they have somewhere else to go and be artistically creative without me having to clean up the mess. But nonetheless it's fun to see them creating things and enjoying the process. Yesterday I hung a line in the basement where I can hang all the paintings they're creating on the art easel they got for Christmas. Now one full basement wall is lined with creative juices come to life. I love the color these little munchkins bring to my life!

Sunshine

2011-02-19T18:43:00.005-05:00

I may have jumped the gun just a little bit yesterday. I saw the sun peek out from behind the clouds and the temperature creep above 40 degrees and dashed the kids to the park for some fun outside. I had not factored in the wind, which was steady enough tomake me uncomfortable and to keep the kids bundled in their coats even though they'd been convinced they would want to shed them as soon as we got to the playground. But still, we played outside for a good couple hours yesterday. When you need to get out, you need to get out! Thank God for the sun and the brightness it brings to our spirits. I'm not sure we'll be heading to the park again anytime soon, but I am grateful that spring finally looms visibly on the horizon. We see geese flocking back to their old stomping grounds and the snow has left us, leaving a big soggy world in its wake. What a welcome sight! I'm especially excited about the prospect of soon to come days when I can let the kids leave the house without jackets--any other moms out there who can't stand buckling kids into carseats with puffy coats in the way?

Yesterday at the park was great fun. The really cool thing about winter giving us a several-month hiatus from the playground is that once we get out and running around again, the growth and changes in the kids are so evident and so exciting. They are just so grown up now! Climbing with confidence and sureness of step they didn't have even last fall. Gabriel did his first back flip ever--without water. I was pushing him on the swing and he decided to let go. I watched in seeming slow motion as he leaned back and flipped entirely heels over head, landing squarely on his face and tummy. He seemed none the worse for wear after we got the dirt out of his mouth, and he held on after that. There is a free zoo at the park we went to so after a while of romping we got to check out some fun animals--alligators and a python and mountain lions and what must be the world's largest turkey. The kids are getting so curious and I love sharing with them about the ever expanding world around them. Wyatt and Kalpana got the kids a subscription to National Geographic Little Kids for Christmas and the other night we learned about lemurs before bedtime. The kids are eating it up like candy. So awesome! I'm not ashamed to admit I'm learning an awful lot right along with them. What a special gift it is to be able to discover all over again through the wide eyes of my kids.

Gabriel's morning prayer

2011-02-14T09:52:00.004-05:00

At the breakfast table this morning it was Gabriel's turn to say grace:

Dear Jesus, thank you for this day and thank you for the food and thank you for these lovings and thank you for our new house. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Then he turns to me and announces, "That was a long prayer!" and digs into his cereal.

Seriously, does it get any better?

My prima ballerina

2011-02-13T21:47:00.003-05:00

Everytime I ask Abigail if she likes ballet class or gymnastics better she says she likes gymnastics. I think she's having fun learning specific new skills, getting one on one time with the coach, and being a sassy goof-off with her brother and sister since they are the only ones in the class. But when we're at home on these cold afternoons trying to fill our hours, it's ballet that lights this little girl up. She asks to put on her ballet outfit and she asks for me to turn on the ballet music and she spins and spins and leaps and jumps in the ballet studio (read: empty dining room) with the joy and enthusiasm of a pure devotee. We watched the recent pilot season of Live to Dance on TV and the three finalists were an 11 year old girl with the athletic ability of an Olympic gymnast, a 10 and 11 year old pair of salsa/tango/ballroom prodigies, and a husband/wife pair of ballet dancers. Abigail was always a fan of the young dancers, I suppose because she could relate in some way, but her true favorites were the ballet dancers. She liked that the woman looked like a princess in her pretty costumes.

Knowing how much Abigail loves to dance and move has made this week that much harder to endure. The poor pumpkins have all been battling colds and coughs. While Amelia is usually the one whose illnesses tend to linger in long-lasting plagues of coughing fits (her most recent pediatrician feels comfortable ruling out asthma, but says she has bronchial spasms and swelling that make her trigger for coughing much worse for the average kid--says she has a good likelihood of outgrowing it when she gets physically bigger, somewhere between ages six and eight), this week it's Abigail who's been struggling. A couple days this week she spiked a high fever above 103, but each time it was only in the afternoon/evening and by morning she was back to normal. But she's complaining of tummy aches and has been generally feeling like poop. I can only imagine how my little princess would like to feel well enough to leap and dance again.

Truthfully speaking, Abigail has been instigator of many challenges lately, not all due to her not feeling well. The past several weeks have just been trying and Garrett and I each struggle with defiance, bad attitudes, disobedience, and plain old sassiness. Abigail likes to be in charge and make the rules and she doesn't always handle it graciously when things don't go her way. Our most recent and most challenging issue by far has been getting Abigail to eat. Oh my goodness does this girl have a stubborn streak! She would rather go 24 hours without eating than taste the mac and cheese she herself requested. But the next day it'll be peanut butter and jelly. And the next day it'll be chicken and pasta. She is fickle in her pickiness and aggravatingly adamant in her fasting. Not that she fasts on a regular basis. She really only went an entire day one time, but I suspect she would do it more often if I were more lenient about letting her leave the table. I've struggled with how to enforce the eating because I don't want to make food the issue. I really don't think food is the issue, but it's something she can control. I'm not even interested really in making her relinquish all control. But I do have standards. And I refuse to let my child live off of crackers and grapes at snack time. And I refuse to abide by a little girl who makes a specific request and then turns up her nose when I place the plate in front of her. I have commiserated with my friend Kim about the challenge of three year olds and thank heaven she is going through some of the same things. Otherwise I might truly feel like delf-destructing some days. The combination this week of sick kids, cold weather, being cooped up in the house, and dealing with what feels like non-stop squabbling and nit-picking and refusals to cooperate--can't we all just get along?--well, let's just say this mommy could use a vacation day.

Tonight Garrett and I hosted our church small group. At one point in the discussion we talked about how we were doing with our own personal goals in our walks with God. For the past several weeks I have been trying to get up early, before the kids, to do my daily Bible study. I am not a morning person by any stretch and I've really struggled mightily with getting up when my alarm goes off. I got a laugh from the group when I complained that waking up is the absolute worst part of every day, but it's the truth--those first few minutes of wakefulness are so excruciating sometimes I don't know how I'll keep my eyes open all day. But I have to say, even though these have been some challenging, tiring weeks, God is so faithful. God is always faithful. He is blessing me with deep, real connections with some people in my life. I found a woman to be a spiritual mentor for me last week when I had the guts and the faith to speak to my Bible study leader and ask if she would be willing to meet with me regularly so I have someone older and wiser to talk to about raising my kids and being a godly wife and honoring Him with my life. And I'm finding a real and satisfying connection with a friend at MOPS. We've started meeting for a weekly playdate at a McDonald's between her house and mine and the kids play and we banter over coffee and I swear it's so soul satiating I didn't even realize how starved I felt. Garrett and I are thinking about what the next step in this crazy life of ours is. There's no telling what our options may be next January and freezing cold weather can make anyone doubt whether they want to sign up for a long line of Chicago winter after Chicago winter. But it's the people that really make a difference. Wherever you go, wherever you find yourself on life's winding path, it's the people that make a place home. It's the friends you make that become family when family is a plain ride away. God is thankfully showing me that at least for right now, Naperville is home, and He is accordingly blessing me with the family of Christ.

This evening when Abigail was once again not feeling well and needing some snuggle time, she sat with me for about 45 minutes in the rocking chair while our small group discussion bounced off the walls of our living room. In the middle of what feels like a bit of a challenging season, snuggles like that are as good as anything at reminding me that God is good, and my cup truly does runneth over.

Striking

2011-02-08T22:00:00.002-05:00

In Amelia today I saw a rare and striking beauty. To look on one you love and see, simply, perfection--that was it. This photo does not do her justice. The poor little girl has developed her signature cough that accompanies every cold that comes her way. When I was trying to take her picture she could hardly hold still for the coughing and she certainly had no reason to smile. But no matter, I see her beauty shining through. For some reason, at some times, I just look at her with awe and wonder. Today was one of those days. So sweet, so pure, so heart wrenchingly Amelia. Man, I love this girl. Today while I was at Bible study and the kids were in childcare they all colored pictures. Gabriel and Abigail colored pictures for Daddy and couldn't wait to give them to him when we got home. Amelia colored a picture for me. She handed it to me and said it was for me, and then she said it was for her. Then she thought for a second and said it was for the two of us to share. I like the sound of that.

Snowstorm 2011!

2011-02-03T20:59:00.008-05:00

So Naperville got dumped with snow yesterday and the day before. It's hard to know the definitive statistics, but I found something from the National Weather Service that said it was the 3rd worst snowstorm in Chicago history and Naperville itself came up with 18 inches of snow in roughly 18-20 hours. Awesome! The wind was gusting at 40mph so the snow drifts piled up several feet. The snow fall stopped yesterday morning and we actually had a beautiful sunny day yesterday--perfect for shoveling and standing in awe of God's work. But last night the temperatures dropped and today was another sunny, very cold day with a high of 14 degrees. I got in the van to take the kids to gymnastics this morning and realized there was a wall of snow between me and the road because, even though we shoveled our entire driveway to the plowed street yesterday, the plow came by again and pushed a couple feet of snow back across the path. I missed a workout yesterday but the shoveling I did today and yesterday I think definitely made up for it!

We are living in a winter wonderland now with snow piles high enough to sled down on the corners and walls of snow outlining our driveways and streets. It's pretty crazy, pretty beautiful. It's still not great snow for building--no snowmen or snow forts getting built here right now, but the kids did get out for a little fun and shoveling yesterday and Gabriel and I took a jaunt through the neighborhood yesterday until I got too fatigued pulling his toboggan through the knee high drifts. We've been fortunate to have Garrett home the past couple days and not really working all that much. He had his own fun in the snow on Tuesday night when the blizzard was at full force. He proved that I married a real mountain man when, upon hearing that we were about to get blasted with one of the worst snowstorms ever, he announced that he was going to spend the night outside in his tent. My husband is nuts! But it was so much fun watching him get all excited about his adventure, just like he was a high school kid again getting ready to go snow camping with his buddies. He braved the snow and wind gallantly while he set up in the yard. Then after a couple hours of hanging out and getting warm, he headed to bed in the snowy yard at 11:30pm. The next morning at 7:30 the kids and I were eating breakfast at the kitchen table when daddy appeared at the back door, rosy cheeked and well rested. I could tell he was proud. I just wonder how long it will be before Gabriel insists on sleeping out in the snow with him!

A New Creation

2011-02-02T17:13:00.003-05:00

Photo by eisenrah

My daughter Amelia is an expert at assuming alternative identities. Long ago she decided that she is a Lucky Girl. I thought it was charming when she first started chastising me for calling her Honey or Sweetie or, of all things, Amelia--“I’m not Amelia, I’m Lucky Girl!” But it took me some time to fully appreciate the devotion with which she claimed her new identity. In the past couple months she has adopted a new identity as a ladybug. She still considers herself to be a Lucky Girl Ladybug, but a ladybug nonetheless. As with her first assumed name, she insists that she be addressed as a ladybug. She has developed a new passion for all things red because, you guessed it, red is the color of ladybugs. And just this afternoon she threw a fit when I didn’t have black tights for her to wear with her red dress because everybody knows ladybugs have black legs. Black legs mommy! My insistence on white was clearly an affront to all that ladybugs hold dear.

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Precious

2011-01-27T18:13:00.004-05:00

Bedtime has been dramatic for the past few nights. The past few months, really, though any particular challenge never seems to last longer than a few weeks, sometimes no longer than a few nights. This week Abigail is calling my bluff though, and while I pride myself on not being a pushover parent, I admit that when it comes to Abigail's bedtime quirk I've allowed it to continue for a long time because, basically, it's so easy to pacify. Abby has a habit of crying within a minute or two of me leaving the room. She's usually upset by the time I finish tucking Gabriel in, so when I leave his room I typically stop off to see Abigail one more time, at which point she tells me she wants this or that toy, or for this blanket to be tucked just this way, or for me to make the rocking horse on the shelf rock one more time. If the request requires me to leave the room to fulfill it, I deny her, and she usually is just fine with that. If the request is quick and easy, I do it and say goodnight, and that's the end of it. Usually.

But Garrett has convicted me this week that the bedroom return trips have to stop. Bedtime is bedtime and when we leave, that's it until morning. Simple enough rule to follow. And actually pretty simple for me to abide by as well. When I hear Abigail crying, and then I see Garrett's evil eye pointed my way, I stay put. And for the past few nights Abby has raised a fuss and made plaintive cries and even come out from her bedroom to find us and plead her case, but she has listened and gone back to bed when we tell her to, even if she's crying the whole way. A couple times we've outright asked her: "Abigail, why are you crying?" And the answer? "I don't know." Habit, I guess. Because it's always worked before.

It's interesting trying to figure out which battles are worth picking. I've never minded going back into Abby's bedroom when she cries because it's always so easy to pacify her once I get there. And I have a soft spot for a crying child, especially my own. Well, most of the time. But I see Garrett's point too, that what we say has to be what we do or the rules become negotiable and who knows where they will try to bend them. I am all for making judgment calls as each case calls for, but there has to be a consistent norm.

After Abigail and I returned from this past weekend away visiting Kim and Jade in Dayton, OH Garrett commented on how peaceful the house seemed without Abby home. She has become quite the little spitfire. And I have to say I absolutely love it most of the time! She is Sassy with a capital Sass, spunky and opinionated and animated and gregarious. Her expressions are hilarious and poignant, her tone of voice oozing with meaning. She loves to dance and insists she's Beauty from Beauty and the Beast which means everything she touches or uses or wears, in a perfect world, would be yellow (the color of Belle's ball gown) or pink (because, well, princesses and pink simply cannot be separated). Tonight at dinner Amelia was asking Abigail is she was still Tinkerbell (she has been claiming to be Tinkerbell with some passion for the past few months and has clung, until recently, to everything green). Amelia asked three or four times and Abigail remained silent until she couldn't resist speaking anymore. The conversation went something like this:

Amelia: Abigail, are you Tinkerbell?

Abigail: [Silence]

Amelia: Abby, are you Tinkerbell?

Abigail: [Silence]

Amelia: Abby, are you Tinkerbell?

Abigail: [avoiding eye contact] I'm not talking to you.

Amelia: But Abigail, are you Tinkerbell?

Abigail: I'm not talking to you right now.

Amelia: But Abby, just whisper and tell me are you Tinkerbell right now?

Abigail: [whisper-yelling] I'm not talking to you right now!

Amelia: Just tell me '[whispering]No, I'm not Tinkerbell, I'm Beauty.'

Abigail: [still whispering, indignant] No, I'm not Beauty. I'm Beauty Princess.

The whispering continued for some time and Amelia was clearly delighted she had coerced Abigail to join the whisper discussion with her. Abby loosened up as well and they were soon giggling, but the whole exchange so captivated me. Abigail can be a tough nut to crack sometimes.

Our weekend together in Dayton was a pure and undeniable blessing from God. One on one time with my little princess! The car ride there was about six and a half hours, we did the ride home in six, and Abby was an absolute angel the entire time. She requested classical music and looked out the window and colored in her coloring book and mostly just hung out while the world went by. She slept, but not much. But the whole weekend was like that. She was just so well behaved--no tears, no tantrums, no attitude, no back talk. We went swimming together at the rec center and had a carpet picnic in front of a movie and slept in the same bed together and picked out a special necklace and bracelet at the mall, and of course played with our friends Kim and Jade! It was just such a simple, beautiful weekend for me with my little girl and I hope I never forget a second of it. That time is precious and I think Abby knew it too. She basically had my undivided attention and I still felt I had so much attention to spare--she and Jade played wonderfully and kept themselves busy and happy--I had a great visit and plenty of chat time with Kim as well. Perhaps the largest blessing of the short weekend was that it didn't seem all that short. It did in some ways, and I would have loved more time, but I didn't feel like we had to turn around and come home the moment we got there. It was wonderful.

I hope I get the chance as my kids grow to continue to get these little one-off weekends or special events to bond with them individually. It's been almost two years since I had my weekend with Amelia, also visiting Kim, and while it was a long time ago Amelia and I both still remember it fondly and look forward to the next time we can make it happen. Of course it's Gabriel's turn next time, whenever that comes. Kim is due with her second baby, a boy, at the end of March so I anticipate my next visit will not include any pint size Cunningtons, but I know that at some point the day will come when Gabey and I get our special time away. It sure doesn't feel like we get that enough, but at least when the moment comes I know how to appreciate it.

When I grow up

2011-01-24T22:14:00.002-05:00

Today at dinner the kids were talking about what they want to be when they grow up. At this point their dreams still reflect a certain naivete about the world. I'm okay with that. Abigail wants to grow up to be Beauty (aka Belle from Beauty and Beast). She made it clear that this works best if Daddy will be her Beast. I think that's so sweet. Amelia seems a little conflicted. Sometimes she wants to grow up to be a ladybug mommy, sometimes Ladybug Girl (in capital letters, mind you), and sometimes just a ladybug. But by then I think she's not so sure if she's talking about growing up or next Halloween. In any case, she sees red with black spots in her future. Gabriel seems a little undecided at times too, though today he told me he wants to grow up to be a man who uses his tools to fix things. "But," he assured me, "even then I'll still be your Tigger."

Awww, well, as long as that's the case I think I don't mind watching these kids grow up, at least a little bit.

Stupid mommy!

2011-01-18T22:59:00.006-05:00

I am smitten with Gabriel. He is smitten with me most of the time too. But yesterday we had a first. I think my offense was fairly benign. I think he's testing out some new words and expressions and seeing how they feel. But he blurted out in a moment of frustration, "Stupid mommy!"

Oh man, it was not a good moment. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. Not in the "why does my son hate me" kind of way, because I know my son doesn't hate me. But it made me sad that he's there now, at that place where he might say mean things or lash out, where the intention might be to hurt. And I wasn't it a great place. I'd spent the previous several minutes getting after the kids for being rowdy and not listening and I was just frustrated myself. So there it was, I started to cry.

Not big crying. Not a lot of tears. But I teared up. And I sat back and looked down. Gabriel looked at me, concerned.

"Are you sad mommy?"

"Yeah Gabey, I'm sad. I don't like being called stupid. It's not nice."

"You're sad mommy?"

He crawled in my lap and melted into a delicious snuggle.

"I'm sad Gabey, but I'm okay."

"I'm sorry I said 'stupid mommy.'"

"I know little buddy. Thanks for saying that. I forgive you."

Later in the day Gabriel told me one or two more times that he was sorry. He really seemed to be struck by it. As though he realized how powerful his own words can be. So in some ways I am grateful he said it. I know that if he calls Amelia or Abigail stupid that he'll say he's sorry when I tell him to. I know that if he makes his sisters cry that he'll dutifully apologize and make amends. But it's different with me. I'm his first love. He loves loves loves me with his whole tiny little self. I know it. It oozes out of him so much of the time and I just lap it up because my little boy is the sweetest pumpkin ever. He tell me I'm pretty all the time. He's also told me I'm smart and cute and brilliant. He asks me every night at bedtime if he's going to see me in the morning. Sometimes he double and triple checks: "Are you really really really going to see me in the morning?" And then first thing in the morning he patters over to my bedside and crawls under the covers with me. Sometimes he tells me he loves me. Sometimes he tells me I'm beautiful. What woman doesn't like to hear that first thing in the morning? But maybe if he realizes he can hurt me, just maybe, it'll make him think a little before the next outburst.

Everyone at some point needs their first lesson in the power of words. Perhaps I should grow some thicker skin, since I'm sure more lessons are to come. Because, let's be honest, sometimes I can be a pretty stupid mommy.

Emergence

2011-01-15T12:20:00.011-05:00

Sitting down to update my blog I feel like I'm coming back to an old friend. I don't think I've ever taken such a long hiatus, and this month long break from blogging has been largely due to technical difficulties that have plagued me for some time. My computer screen died a few weeks ago. Garrett has a monitor I can plug into but of course I can only use it when he's not working or using his office. There have been a few other technical hiccups that have made posting photos kind of a pain. My new computer part to fix my screen is supposed to arrive late this month. If it doesn't work I'm not sure what we're prepared to do to fix our computer problems, but I'm hopeful I'll get my computer back pretty soon.So much has happened since I last wrote it's hard to know what's worth going back to revisit. We had a wonderful Christmas this year. It was so much fun watching the kids in their anticipation and excitement. On Christmas eve we put out cookies and milk and reindeer food for Santa and his entourage. We placed it all on a tray at the bottom of the stairs and told the kids they would know if Santa came by checking in the morning to see if the goodies were gone. The first thing Garrett and I heard Christmas morning was a delighted Abigail telling her brother and sister "Santa came! The cookies are gone!" My mom arrived in town the Tuesday before Christmas so was here to share Christmas morning with us as we opened gifts and ate breakfast and played with new toys. In the afternoon Cabell, Wyatt, and Kalpana arrived for another round of gift opening and a nice relaxed evening with family. Amelia, Abigail, and Gabriel were clearly the center of the holiday festivities and gifts but given that we did not have a lot of family time I was pleased at the time we had to connect with out of town family as well. Mom and Cabell departed the morning after Christmas to spend some time together before mom flew home, so Wyatt and Kalpana hung out with us for a day and it was nice to spend a lazy afternoon in downtown Naperville with the kids. I just love sharing my kids with my family. I'm not sure how it might feel different if we all lived closer together, but I get so much pleasure having my whole family together to share in watching my kids grow and become more and more animated and individual. I love watching my brothers love my kids. Wyatt and Kalpana got each of the kids, among other things, their own aprons and chef hats so they can help mommy in the kitchen. It was really fun watching how excited Wyatt was when Abby tried her apron and hat on for the first time so she could make food in her play kitchen. And Cabell, bless his heart, spent a good thirty minutes constructing the art easel he got for the kids. Hopefully he'll get plenty of chances to come see how much they love to paint and draw with their new art supplies.So Christmas was magical and wonderful and fun, and I was pleasantly ready to say goodbye to the season once it was over. We kept the tree up until New Years, but by then I was happy to get my house back and clean up a little bit. Thankfully the fun continues as the kids get some mileage with their new toys and games. We've been comfortably busy since the beginning of 2011. Garrett went on commission starting January 1 so his work has taken on a new weight as we adjust to the initial pay cut and he cuts his teeth on his own portfolio of clients. We suspect that he will spend a few less days at the home office and more days out and about doing meetings and meals with clients now that he's carrying his own accounts. So far things seem to be going well, though we will continue in this adjustment period for a few more weeks I think.I have kept busy as well, though now that we've been in Naperville a few months I feel like things are evening out a bit and I'm a little more able to pick and choose how I want to spend my time. As much as I loved getting to the YMCA two or three times a week during the fall and getting some exercise again, I found that was really a little too much. While I had time for my own thing, I missed having playdates. I missed getting to know the people around me. I missed visiting the library and checking out books to read with my kids. So I think I'll cut back to the YMCA classes for now and spend a little more time just going with the flow. I'll still go once a week or so, maybe twice if I can get in an evening class while Garrett puts the kids to bed, but I already feel better having the freedom to plan a playdate with a new or potential friend or try checking out the local library or a new park. Along those lines, I have planned a few more playdates just in the past couple weeks and I've also joined my MOPS steering committee and agreed to try my hand at doing the monthly newsletter. There's still a lot on my plate, but I feel like I'm entering a new phase of balance as I adjust to new house, new place, new people, and the constantly new and changing needs of these beautiful growing kids.The kids are indeed growing and changing! They all sprouted over an inch since their birthday six months ago and their energy level I swear has intensified exponentially in the past month. They are just bouncing off the walls! Papa blessed them at Christmas with the money to sign up for gymnastics class through the Y. Ballet ended right before Christmas so now they're trying their hand at somersaults and cartwheels and learning to hang from the bars. They are loving it so far! They're only two classes in so they are still figuring it out, but I'm having a great time watching them have a great time learning new things. It's fun too, to see how they each respond to the new things they are exposed to. Although it's been several weeks since our last ballet class, Abigail is still clearly in dance mode much of the time. Both girls love wearing their tutus around the house, but Abigail regularly asks me to turn on her ballet music (a CD of classical music from famous ballets) and practices her budding skills. I've recently decided our new thing will be watching the new Paula Abdul dance competition TV show, Live to Dance, together. Besides honing their interests and skills, the kids are growing up in other ways too. They all had their first dentist appointments last week and I was blown away with how great they did. It just seems like new grown up things are happening all the time. I'm still loving the wild ride!We just wrapped up a great week with a big treat--a visit from some friends from New York! Michelle is a friend of mine from MOPS in New York. She and her husband and daughter, Olivia, moved to Ohio shortly before we moved to Naperville so now we're just a three and a half hour drive from each other. We were so excited to have Michelle and Olivia drive up this past Wednesday and spend a few days with us. We spent most of the time just playing and keeping busy around the house since the cold temperatures don't make the outdoors very appealing, but Michelle and I were perfectly happy to talk and catch up and rest and catch up some more. I had a great time connecting with a friend that goes further back than four months! Next week I have another fun time planned when Abigail and I go to Dayton, OH to visit Kim and Jade. I am so excited! So is Abigail. I made the mistake a couple weeks ago of telling her that she and mommy were going to make a special trip, just the two of us, to visit Aunt Kim. She's been asking me every day if it's time to go yet! Thankfully the time is quickly approaching now. I'm looking forward to some mommy daughter time with my little ballerina princess.

Adventures in babysitting

2011-01-05T18:45:00.007-05:00

Photo by Fabio Rava

During my first year of motherhood there was one topic of discussion I consistently dreaded more than any other. One little sentence out of my husband’s mouth had me immediately feeling anxious, insecure, protective, and guilty. “I was thinking we should find a babysitter.”

The words can strike fear into the heart of a new mother, especially one without family nearby to provide some emergency relief in the form of doting grandparents, aunts, or uncles. My husband can attest to the fact that I fought hiring a babysitter with all the ferocious passive resistance I could muster. I neglected to look for a sitter, procrastinated on setting up interviews or calling references, and showed only lukewarm interest in the activities he wanted me to enjoy with him sans kids. I was no peach when it came to helping my husband reignite that spark post-babies, and while there are myriad reasons for my reluctance to stay up late for date night (anyone else out there remember debilitating sleep deprivation?), the fear of entrusting my babies to someone else was overwhelming.

Now my kids are three and a half and I am happy to say I have overcome this relationship-killing hurdle. I completely understand that there has to be room for a new mama bear to find her way in the delegating of motherly duties. But there comes a time when you need to get out of the house, and there are things you can do to ensure that the babysitter you choose can contribute positively to the growth and maturity of your child. Most people look for someone who is responsible and capable, who will pay attention to the kids instead of watching TV. But what helped me finally find peace in leaving my kids with a sitter now and then was employing the following few steps:

(to read more, click here)

In defense of Christmas as usual

2010-12-14T12:13:00.006-05:00

I am trying to let beauty in this Christmas season.

I am trying to see the world as my kids see it: bright, exciting, full of potential, new every morning.

I am reveling in the traditions of years past and past and past; in Christmas songs; in Christmas decorations; in Christmas movies; in the Christmas story; in Christ.

I love the old traditions of Christmas. Who doesn't? I love the music, the festive feeling, the way people go out into the world with an attitude of opportunity. Sure, people feel stress and pressure and looming deadlines at this time of year. But they also take time to think about family in a way they don't ponder on throughout the year. They pick up the phone and talk to old friends and distant family. They invite people into their homes and accept invitations into others'. They break bread in community. And they give gifts.

Ahh, the gifts. Those anticipated jewels of Christmas. It's easy to see how gifts can become the focal point of Christmas. Especially in a house full of young kids, there's nothing like the promise of presents to make little eyes light up with anticipation. I've observed with wonder and delight as my own kids' understanding of Christmas and all its trappings has blossomed this year so that Santa Claus, Rudolph, jingle bells, and gingerbread all now have special and breathtaking connotations. It's fascinating really, to see how they just absorb the messages of the world around them. It's sobering as well, and speaks to the importance of interceding for our little ones in a culture in which most of the messages out there are not ones I want them to take to heart. But I hate to become cynical or dwell on the possible negative outcomes. The fact is there are plenty of wonderful, beautiful, edifying messages out there--messages that support a good and loving God, even if they are not packaged in overtly Christian clothing.

I feel like I've become slowly aware of a growing trend in Christian circles toward shying away from Christmas as usual. I don't know if it's actually a trend or if I'm just noticing isolated things that turned on a light bulb for me, but it seems I've heard about a lot of Christian families that emphasize their minimalist approach to gift giving with their children and who don't want their kids to believe in Santa Clause because it takes the focus of Christmas off of Christ. Now I get that Christmas is not meant to be about Santa Claus and commercialism and that Christians, myself included much of the time, are upset about the secularization of Christmas. Truly, it's easy to get caught up in the shopping and media frenzy this time of year and start ticking things off the to-do list by rote rather than ponder on the birth of Christ. And I empathize with families who are conscious about how they spend this time of year and how they talk to their kids about Santa and gifts and all that. What parent hasn't encountered the challenge of curbing their children's desire to acquire more and more stuff without slowing down to appreciate all that they have? But is not giving gifts really the answer? Is telling your kids that Santa's not really real going to make them focus more on Christ? Or perhaps the better question is, will telling them that there is a Santa make them any less open to praising and worshiping God in response to Christ's miraculous birth story?

I don't have all the answers, and in reality I'm probably mulling over this stuff because of my own insecurities in standing up for how I like to celebrate Christmas and why. But the truth is we like presents in this house. We like giving them and we like getting them. I love them because, when I'm the giver, it gives me occasion to really think about someone I love and care about and try to give expression to that feeling. It's a way of loving someone out of the box. And I love receiving gifts for the same reason. If someone got me something they knew I wanted it means they cared enough to do something purely on my behalf. If they got me something I didn't ask for it means they took the time and effort to be creative, taking into account what they know of me and whatever parts of themselves they want to share. Either way, I'm grateful. And we love Santa in this house too because Santa is just plain wonderful. He's jolly and joyful and he gives gifts out of the goodness of his heart and he makes children smile and who doesn't want more joy and more smiles? St. Nicholas, once upon a time, gave gifts out of the abundance of his love of God and there is certainly a teachable moment in that story.

I guess I just have been having a hard time watching parents worry about celebrating Christmas as if giving gifts and engaging in some make believe is going to make us forget that God, in His infinite wisdom and goodness, sent his son to deliver the greatest gift mankind will ever know. I watch my girls play make believe every single day and think what a shame it would be if I were to squash their childish games of pretend just so I could make doubly and triply sure that they didn't start thinking their imaginary world was somehow a replacement for the reality of life here on earth and God on his throne. This is one Christian family that is praising God this Christmas for His goodness, His benevolence, His mercy, and His salvation. And you'll see us leaving cookies and milk out for Santa on Christmas Eve, and you'll hear squeals of delight on Christmas morning when our kids wake to stuffed stockings and treasures under the tree. No, I'm not advocating racking up credit card debt or mauling people in line on black Friday to get the best deals. I'm just saying that holiness and worship come in many forms, not all of which begin with self-denial. I believe wholeheartedly that there are many devout and forward-thinking and wonderful families celebrating in new ways this year, but I think for now, I'll stick with the old.

A Christmasy day

2010-12-05T17:45:00.006-05:00

Yesterday we had a day that just felt like Christmastime. We woke up to our first blanket of snow of the season. And the first item on the day's agenda? Breakfast with Santa! First thing in the morning we trekked to the YMCA and ate a pancake breakfast and got to meet Santa Claus and sit on his lap. Gabriel, Amelia, and Abigail were all so brave and very cooperative.We got to spend some time at the Y doing crafts and playing in the gym before we headed to our weekly ballet class (which has become quite a highlight to the week). Then is was time to head home for lunch and... playing in the snow! The kids were so excited I remember two years ago running to the store at the first sign of snow for a toboggan. I couldn't wait to see my little ones loving the snow! Of course, at sixteen or seventeen months, Amelia, Abigail, and Gabriel wanted nothing to do with the cold, wet white stuff. But this year is another story! Gabriel helped daddy shovel the driveway and Abigail was making snow angels one after the other. Amelia spearheaded our snowman construction and couldn't wait to see our own Frosty take shape. The snow is not particularly good building snow, so Frosty is rather short in stature, but we are delighted with him all the same. Today the kids are already asking if the snow is going to stay--they're already worried it's going to melt away too quickly. Judging by the current forecast, which shows highs in the 20s for the next few days and more snow later this week, I don't think we have much to worry about.

Tree

2010-12-03T23:47:00.004-05:00

Too busy not to

2010-12-01T15:21:00.009-05:00

Photo by Benjamin Golub

Last weekend I had a day that I wished I could just erase from existence. A day that was challenging from beginning to end. I couldn’t figure out why. I didn’t wake up in a bad mood. But every interaction felt strained, tense, difficult. I somehow managed to argue with my husband over waffles at breakfast. Then about syrup. Then about clearing the table. And the tone was set.

By afternoon I just wanted to crawl into bed and wait out the storm. Trouble seemed to be brewing everywhere: my husband seemed edgy, my kids were unruly. How hard is it, really, to stay out of the kitchen so I can get this blasted floor mopped? Didn’t they see I had things to get done? Important things!

(This is my first official post on Courageous Homekeeping. To continue reading, click here!)

Christmas treats

2010-11-30T23:03:00.003-05:00

Over the weekend we got our Christmas tree (photos to come). When we got it inside the house Garrett and I both felt our hearts sink. It's kind of an ugly tree. We bought it at Costco, which meant we got a good price, but what we didn't get was the satisfaction of seeing the tree before we brought it home. Every tree was wrapped up and we just had to pick based on height and what we could make of the shape of the trunk. Kind of took the fun out of choosing a tree (we would have returned it except you pay inside, then go outside to pick up the tree so by the time we realized how un-fun it would be it was too much hassle to bother going back inside with all the kids in tow). When we got home we were even more bummed and we even thought again of returning it, but the kids would have none of that. We had a Christmas tree! Time to decorate!

As we put ornaments on and started loading the lower branches with ornaments (because lower branches are where little arms can reach) Gabriel said quietly "Thanks for getting a Christmas tree daddy." Garrett and I looked at each other, both caught up in that sweet moment, and Garrett said "You're welcome Gabriel."

Truth be told, we have one of the most beautiful Christmas trees I've ever seen.

Just being

2010-11-23T10:10:00.005-05:00

I have had a hard time lately allowing myself to be. Just be. Be with my kids, be with a good book, be with my journal, be with a quiet moment. I've allowed things to crowd out the quiet times that really keep me sane. So yesterday, with some admitted difficulty, I made myself be with my kids and play with play-doh.

Magical.

Did you know Christmas trees sparkle more brilliantly when decorated with the hands of a three year old?
That little hands build big masterpieces?
That creativity loves company?
Did you know that with enough concentration you can build a car wash with your own hands?Did you know that the more time you spend doing something lovely, the more lovely you become?This is the expression on Abby's face... a lot of the time. This particular time I told her that we can use candy canes to decorate the gingerbread house we're going to make. But I could just have easily told her that we're having waffles for breakfast. Or we get to watch Caillou this afternoon. Or that daddy's done working. This expression of joy and delight is a regular occurrence in this household, as it should be. Shouldn't it be a regular occurrence in all of our homes?

Here's to all of us, with prayers that God would remind us to pull the play-doh from the shelf and let the joy in a little more often.

In living color

2010-11-16T23:13:00.005-05:00

I rarely take video of the kids anymore. I just don't think of it that often, though I don't know why because these kids crack me up all the time and I find myself wishing I had a real video camera to record Christmas this year, which I think will be just about the funnest day ever. But enough of that. I took some video today when I saw Abigail jamming to some reggae music, and in addition to some sweet dance moves I got some fun video of Gabriel showing off his newly acquired alphabet singing skills. He is so crazy excited about learning the alphabet! He's singing the song and pointing out letters on signs whenever we're driving in the car. We have some soft tiles with letters on them in the playroom and today Gabriel was helping me link them all together. He was grabbing letters with gusto and searching out where to put them. After placing several letters in order he shouted "I'm learning my letters!" with such enthusiasm it just made my heart swell. It is so fun to watch, so here you go! (By the way, I have to say I love what's he's done with the last line of the song. I'm thinking a rewrite of the old classic is in order).

And here is Abigail leading her siblings in some pretty rockin' dance fever this afternoon. I apologize that the music is not all that audible. The volume was fairly low, though clearly sufficient enough to get some groove on.

Happy birthday daddy!

2010-11-13T23:39:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is Garrett's birthday. Tomorrow evening Garrett and I won't be home for dinner and cake so the kids and I made a cake for daddy this afternoon. They were so excited to share it with him! I helped a little with the baking, but Amelia, Abigail, and Gabriel did almost all the decorating. It was cute!

Comic relief

2010-11-09T23:15:00.004-05:00

It's been a little while since I shared any amusing stories and this one popped into my head the other day. Not sure why I didn't write about it earlier, except I guess that blogging has taken a backseat in recent weeks to settling in and getting my life in some sort of order. Anyway, those of you who have read my blog for a while may recall that about a year and a half ago I posted this story about my coming of age as a parent--my first really gross public mommy moment that made me feel like I'd finally arrived. The story was about Abigail vomiting on me while standing in the checkout line at Target. But within the post I also mentioned a friend's mommy moment right about the time her daughter was in full potty training mode.

Well, the words must have been somewhat prophetic because a couple weeks ago I was at Bath and Body Works with the kids. I was feeling all excited to be picking out some new lotions--having fun being kinda girly and asking the saleslady about the latest scents. The kids were exploring a little more than I preferred but were not unruly so I was keeping one eye on them while I chatted with the lady. Then up walks Abigail saying something about poo poo and I gave the woman a super sophisticated, unflappable wait-one-moment look and bent down to address Abby.

"What did you say about poo poo honey? Do you have to go to the bathroom?"

"No! Poo poo on the floor. Over there."

And sure enough she pointed about ten feet away and there was a little pellet on the floor.

"Is that your poo poo Abby?"

"Yeah."

"How did it get there?"

"I went poo poo!"

"Do you need to go potty right now?"

"Yeah."

I wasn't sure exactly what to worry about first--saving face (as though that were still possible) and trying to hide the evidence of my child's public elimination, or making a beeline with Abigail to the nearest restroom to salvage whatever clean parts remained in her undergarments. I was admittedly a little perplexed, given that Abigail was fully clothed, appeared completely dry, and seriously, there was just one clean little pellet on the floor. Honestly, how does one poop pellet get from site of origination to the floor without some signs of disturbance along the way?

I decided to get Abigail to the restroom right away in order to avoid any more poop making an uninvited appearance on the retail floor. I felt bad leaving The Pellet, but it was the opposite direction of the restroom and I really was thinking that time was of the essence. I hauled the kids back to the employee restroom and everyone took their turn (and thoroughly enjoyed pumping the candy cane scented hand soap when they finished). I tried to make it a quick trip so I could go clean Abigail's mess, but truth be told, quick trips to the restroom with three potty training three year olds just don't happen.

When we finally emerged from the restroom another employee in the back made friendly conversation and assured me that she'd cleaned up the poop on the floor. I apologized profusely but she was really great about it. Said poop she could handle, it was vomit that made her stomach turn. I should have told her it's a good thing she didn't meet us a year and a half ago at Target.

Gotta love being a parent.

Fit to burst

2010-11-08T21:42:00.010-05:00

These kids--loving them--it's a wonder my heart doesn't burst wide open. I don't know how I contain it. Do you ever experience this? This aching to express something that transcends words? It's a joy, a glorious springing forth, an overflowing, a saturation. I feel physically giddy, antsy, jittery sometimes at the power of a love I cannot explain, cannot contain and yet, because there is no human expression for it, by default can't help but somehow swallow back into myself until the next time it comes bubbling to the surface yearning to split the seams and spill out into some manifestation not yet invented.
I can only imagine this is what heaven will be: the expression of all joy, gloriously unencumbered.

Trick or treating

2010-10-31T22:37:00.005-04:00

Tigger, Tinkerbell, and a little ladybug went trick or treating around the neighborhood this evening. One thing's for sure--Tigger loves trick or treating! He was the first to every doorstep and enthusiastically greeted each new open door, sometimes before it was even opened. Our little ladybug was really excited too. Every time we left a doorstep she'd say "I want to go to more houses" to make it clear that it was not yet time to call it a night. The neighborhood kids were out in full force and it was fun to be out with the neighbors, seeing some familiar faces and meeting several we hadn't seen before. Tinkerbell had fun for a while but got pretty tuckered out by the end of the block. It's been a busy weekend at the end of a long week. Here are some shots of the world's cutest costumes!

Let's dance!

2010-10-30T22:10:00.006-04:00

Everyone made it to ballet class this morning. Abigail and Amelia were dressed for the part, but Gabriel stole the show. What a ham. He loved it! Dancing, jumping, prancing, twirling ribbons--he was a virtuoso on the dance floor.

The girls were less enthusiastic. In fact they were downright obstinate. They didn't prance, dance, or smile. They didn't talk to the teachers, they didn't wave ribbons. They really didn't even participate, though I was happy they at least stayed present. Amelia started crying two thirds of the way through so I held her on my lap for the remainder of the class. It was a slow start for the Cunnington girls.

But I am optimistic as ever because this is the start of something new. My kiddos are in a class! This is a huge first for them. So next week we will head back to the Y and see if Amelia will prance with her classmates or if Abigail will take flight with those butterfly wings. My kids were all so beautiful this morning. They made a mama proud!

What a week

2010-10-28T14:42:00.003-04:00

We're all sick this week. Time has entered a slow motion stage. I guess that's what happens when you spend hours and hours in front of the television. Let me calculate--I think yesterday we watched three episodes of Handy Manny, two episodes of Cat in the Hat, an hour and a half long Veggie Tales movie, about forty minutes of Thomas, and... I'm pretty sure there was something else. Or perhaps several episodes of something else. I just couldn't get myself off the couch. I'm not sure what kind of bug this is. I'm actually feeling much better today, though my appetite is still close to nothing. At least I don't have the stomach ache that's been plaguing me since Monday. On Monday morning I went to the YMCA and took a spin class for the first time. It was pretty intense and though I felt fine during the workout, as soon as I finished I felt light headed and faint and the rest of the day my whole body cried out for rest. I thought it was just a curiously potent workout and slow recovery, but given how I felt Tuesday and Wednesday it makes more sense that I was also battling the beginning of some sort of stomach ailment. Thankfully I've experienced nothing more than chronic discomfort. My poor kids have thrown up and had poor appetites. Boy will I be glad when we are over this!

At first I thought recovery would be quick. Gabriel first got sick last Saturday and we thought it was a fluke. He fell and bumped his head and then threw up a minute later. He seemed fine though and we thought it might have been a weird shock to the system and that was that. But that night he came into our room around 2am and before I was coherent enough to know what was wrong he threw up on our bedroom carpet. Then all day Sunday and ever since he's seemed totally fine. Truly a 24 hour, or rather 12 hour, bug. I thought we were back to normal for a couple days. I really didn't even think much of not feeling well myself on Monday because I thought it was the workout making me feel lethargic. But Tuesday morning, somewhere around 4am, Abigail came into our room and had to throw up. She went back to bed and threw up one more time before getting up for the day. And Amelia threw up in her breakfast bowl. Gabriel labeled it a "throw-up day" and we started on this journey of several days of feeling crummy, watching TV, taking a few cat naps here and there, and waiting for the hours to slip by.

We are not out of the woods yet and I'm feeling a little anxious now that they will not be well enough for Saturday morning. I have been looking forward to this Saturday for weeks. That's the day the kids start taking the first class I have ever signed them up for--they're all taking a ballet class! I am so excited and so are they. I really hope today is the last actual sick day and tomorrow is all about feeling better and getting back to our normal routine. The girls got to pick out new adorable ballerina outfits for their class. We got them shoes and leotards and tights and they're going to look so unbelievably adorable. Gabriel didn't get any exciting wardrobe upgrades--he's supposed to wear a white shirt and dark shorts, and I think he'll do the class barefoot because I couldn't even find ballet shoes small enough for him even when I tried, but he's excited about the class all the same. It's obviously open to both boys and girls but not surprisingly is far more popular with the girls. At the time we signed up Gabriel was the only boy on the roster. I asked him if he still wanted to do it if he's the only boy and he's been very enthusiastic, so I figure we'll give it a go. Certainly keeps things simple for me to have them all in the same class at the same time. It's so fun to have them finally at an age where they can join some recognizable sports. When they're four they can start soccer and probably some other peewee type sports. I can't wait to see them learning new things and joining in with other kids in an organized class. I'm so proud of them already and they haven't even started yet!

And that gets me thinking... in other news about how grown up my little guys are, they are all doing amazing with the potty training. I would consider Abigail completely transitioned out of diapers except during the night. Gabriel and Amelia are also doing fantastic and when we're home they don't wear diapers. They need them sometimes when we leave the house, though we are getting away from that bit by bit. When we go to the Y for a couple hours they will typically go without a diaper now and that's getting less and less nerve-wracking. We're actually getting there!

Now I'm just hoping this Saturday is another chance to show how grown up they are. Please pray for everyone's quick recovery!

To get you thinking

2010-10-25T21:00:00.004-04:00

My friend Kristi recently launched a new website called Courageous Homekeeping. It's about all facets of being a Christian woman and caring for self, family, home, etc. I've had the distinct pleasure of contributing one of my blog posts to her quickly growing library of articles and I hope to contribute more. But what caught my thoughts recently is a series of posts Kristi authored entitled "Is it a Sin to Work Outside the Home?" It's a five part series and I think she just revved up and dug deeper with each post. I don't have the energy right now to provide my own response to her probing and thought provoking questions and insights, but I wanted to share in case anyone out there got their interest piqued by this topic. I thought it was daring of her to take it on and she handled the issue sensitively and with a focus on seeking truth.

Happy reading.

Yes, we are those neighbors

2010-10-13T23:23:00.006-04:00

So can you guess whose yard is the one covered with leaves? The one yard on the entire block that doesn't look pristine and manicured? Okay fine, that's us. We're the lazy neighbors. But I swear the leaf onslaught happened literally overnight and I have hardly had time to even check if we have a rake. Apparently we do, so this afternoon I pulled it out and this is as far as we got:

Of course once I got started with the raking it occurred to me that I have no receptacle into which to pile all these leaves, so tonight as I write there are just as many leaves on our lawn as there were this afternoon when I started, though they are satisfactorily mixed around and piled in random places so as to look somewhat dealt with, if not entirely eradicated. Perhaps tomorrow I will buy some bags.

God has certainly shown his beauty today: in the leaves, the gorgeous sunshine, and the prayers of my children. Tonight was the first time the any of the kids wanted to say their own prayers before bedtime and it ran the spectrum of the curiously ridiculous to the sweetest of all sentiments. Abigail prayed for our neighbor in the blue shirt that loves us because apparently he's the best neighbor. I have no idea who she was talking about. And she prayed for the flowers on her bedroom wall and her new lamps and the blinds on her window. But she, and the other two, also prayed for friends and family, and thanked Jesus for keeping them safe. They prayed for the things and people they care about. And my heart soared with joy with the very fact that they wanted to pray at all. Their prayers were beautiful and real and I hope to hear many more of them. I anticipate I have much to learn from their innocence and faith. Thank God for little children.

Fall loveliness

2010-10-12T21:30:00.004-04:00

Last weekend at Reenie's family's farm was wonderful. We only had one night but somehow it felt longer to me. We groomed and rode horses, ate great food, lounged in the hot tub, played board games, meandered around the yard and gazebo with the dogs, and groomed and rode again, and topped off the weekend with a trip to the pumpkin farm! Doesn't get much better than that.

Honestly I wasn't sure what to expect when I got on a horse again. I have a nagging question in the back of my mind about whether or not I will get in the saddle one day and find that I've lost my nerve. I still dream of days when I will ride again, and ride more than I ever did before. Days when trips to the barn will come several times a week, when I compete again, when I can finally call a horse my own. But I sometimes wonder if there will come a time when my concern for my safety will overrun my concern for tackling the next challenge, whether it's a higher jump, a skittish horse, or a more complicated combination. Will I begin to make decisions based on self preservation? I don't want to. The fact is, most decisions made from that frame of mind are more likely to cause safety issues anyway. I've never been one to throw caution completely to the wind, but I like to think I am willing to take healthy calculated risks for the grander glory of the connection between horse and rider. I distinctly remember my very last real lesson to date. I was riding with an eventing instructor in Lake Oswego, OR and he had us making up our own jumping courses around the arena. I was riding my favorite horse, Fred, and having a blast. Fred was strong and talented but he needed a rider to ride him right to the base of the jumps or he had a habit of stopping. You just had to show him you were really going to ride it with him and he's take you over. Apparently I didn't fill him with confidence at one particular obstacle because he stopped, and I fell off, but not before grabbing his neck and swinging around so I actually landed on my feet before momentum took me to my knees. My instructor was appropriately concerned with making sure I was all right, though it didn't take him long to see I was fine after he saw the ecstatic look on my face. I fell off, and I did it right! I didn't go flying over Fred's neck and land in a heap on the jump; my instinct was to grab on and land safe. I did it! It's the only time I've reacted fast enough during a fall to ensure a softer landing and I was just so thrilled to get it right, like somehow that proved my progress as a rider. Heck, if you're going to get on a horse, you better know how to fall off to save your life.

This weekend at the farm I didn't really do a ton of riding. I went into the arena a couple times and puttered around, but mostly I just felt a horse under me again. I was delighted to feel completely comfortable and at home. To feel like things were in their right places, to use a vocabulary I haven't dusted off in years. It felt so familiar and easy. And to share it with the kids! Well, that was just about the most fun experience ever. It was awesome to see them get into grooming and learning how to use the different brushes. Although I did get a kick out of Abigail. It took her about three minutes to decide that brushing is for the grooms--she wanted to ride! I was so impressed that all three kids were so brave and excited to get on the horse's back. We didn't have a little pony to put them on--they were up there with me on a 17+ hand Oldenburg saying "giddyup" and grinning through the whole thing. Garrett got in the family action by taking hold of the reins and leading us in circles while I held the kids in the saddle. I had the time of my life and hearing the happiness in the kids' voices and seeing the smiles in the photos just makes my day every time I see it. What fun it is to share my passion with my little ones! I felt so proud.

The whole weekend was fun and in addition to the horseback riding I loved getting out into the country and feeling the laid back feeling of the open air. Gabriel had a ball playing with frogs in the yard and the girls got a kick out of pretending the gazebo was their house, playing hostess and "cooking" their guests pizza and cookies. We couldn't have asked for better weather--sunny and warm, around 80, in October! Reenie was a gracious and generous host and Cabell was a fabulous cook. I felt thoroughly content the whole time.

Saddle up!

2010-10-09T10:51:00.005-04:00

We are going on an excursion this weekend. Cabell's girlfriend's family has a farm in Indiana. We're driving there this afternoon and coming back tomorrow. And I am so, so excited because they have... HORSES!!!!! I get to get on a horse for the first time in, let me see, about four years. Four years! At first I was all cool about it. I thought sure, that would be fun. The kids can get up close and personal, maybe take their first horseback rides, if they're up for it. Sure, that sounds neat.

And then we made actual plans. We picked a date and Reenie, Cabell's girlfriend, starting asking if I need to borrow any equipment. Do I have breeches and boots? Well, as a matter of fact, I don't have breeches and boots. They are tucked away in storage in Washington, lucky if they will ever see the light of day again. I remain optimistic. But for just such an occasion as this, I have moved about the country always with my chaps and paddock boots in tow so at the drop of a hat I can still swing up in the saddle and feel at home. So I'm good, I don't have to borrow any riding clothes. Check. But the question brought home one realization, which is that this afternoon or tomorrow morning, I will in fact be swinging up into the saddle. I will be on a horse again!

And the thought of it has me tight as a drum in anticipation. I can feel the giddy feeling in my chest and my legs. I can feel muscles I haven't used in years itching to be used again. I find myself envisioning the touch of the reins in my hands and the feel of smooth leather under my seat. I can feel my elbows and wrists and how I'll carry them at a walk, at a trot, at a canter. My mind is abuzz with thoughts and images and visceral senses of what is to come. I am unbelievably excited.

Garrett is nervous about me riding. He always worried about me riding, but now that it's been so long his anxiety is heightened. It's true that a person or two have been hurt riding horses before, so if you think of it lift up a prayer for my safety. I can tell you one thing for sure, I'm not worried at all. I'm ready to saddle up!

Truth

2010-10-05T00:44:00.003-04:00

They will make war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will overcome because he is Lord of lords and King of kings--and with him will be his called, chosen and faithful followers. ~Revelation 17:14

He is real, He is good, He is victorious.
He is. He was. He will be.

Taking in the scenery

2010-10-04T22:14:00.005-04:00

We are trying to tick some things off our to-do list before the weather gets so cold we don't want to poke our heads out. Fall has definitely arrived and though the afternoons are still temperate and sunny, the mornings and evenings have me already worried about my and the kids' meager warm clothing supply. The entire time we lived in New York our heat was part of a collective apartment complex, which meant it got hot, really hot, in the winter. I've spent the past several years living year round in tank tops and capris. I think I'm in for a dreadful awakening very soon!

Anyhow, this weekend we headed to the Chicago Botanic Garden. Garrett's cousin Jessica tipped us off to the fact that the garden is home to an extensive train layout that we knew Gabriel would get a kick out of, so we loaded up the van and drove to the big city for the afternoon. Gabe loved it! He was in heaven with trains coming out from behind bushes, through tunnels, on overpasses and across bridges. It took us some sweet talking to convince him it was eventually time to go. I think he would have been happy to spend a freezing night sleeping on the concrete just to sleep among the tracks. It was really fun to see him so enraptured. We finally did lure him away to go play in a straw maze that kept all three little ones busy and working for quite a while. All in all it was a fun fall afternoon out.

We are getting more and more acclimated to our new home. I keep thinking that as soon as the house is finally put together and everything has a place I'll begin to feel a little more collected. I still think that's true, though I'm starting to itch for that time. There comes a point where, if I'm not careful, I'm pretty sure my house could go from being not-moved-into to just plain cluttered. At this point all the big things are in place, it's the little things that nag at me to find places and get organized: the extra screws and post-it notes and random pieces of paperwork and computer wires that come out of the woodwork in a move and never really belong anywhere. I am working diligently to keep those things from becoming perpetually homeless and in-sight, but I tell you it takes discipline.

Aside from the house, I am finding my way around and by and large, I'm really liking what I see. There is a distinct culture here that's different than I've ever lived in. It's somehow hard to describe, sort of, although not really. I could say the people are welcoming, interested, genuine, and friendly. That's pretty much it. The thing is I really think I could say that about people in the northwest and people in New York. There are nice people everywhere. But there is a different flavor to the friendliness here that feels, well, homey. Despite my own intentions, I rather like it here. That's not to say that I didn't want to like it here. But I really wasn't sure that I would, and I very much saw this move as temporary. I'm not ready to say one way or the other if we'll stay here past Garrett's sixteen month assignment; I guess I'm just saying I feel comfortable here so far. It feels nice.

It has helped enormously that I've gotten out of the house and involved in things right away. If moving to New York and then having kids has taught me anything, it's that I need community. As much as I treasure my alone time, and believe me I treasure it a great deal, I need friends, acquaintances, support networks, and neighbors. I feel more alive, more connected, more at home, and more me when I live in the context of people around me. Funny how I never really realized this before, or maybe how it has developed over time, but I guess that's a subject for another post. Anyway, we started going to a church nearby that we have continued to attend since. We like it so far, and we're planning to see if we can get connected to a small group. I've already started attending a weekly Bible study on Tuesday mornings (hard to say no when childcare is provided) and Garrett went to a men's event (think steak and football) last week. So far so good. The church is huge, in the ten thousand or so category, but I've been amazed at how well organized it is. And there's no denying that when you have that many people involved, there are a lot of ways to get plugged in.

Aside from church I've found another MOPS group to check out and so far I like it a lot. The group is much smaller than my MOPS group in New York, but it's still very well organized and it seems like I could make some friends there.

And then there are home parties. Oh my, are there home parties! Within a couple days of moving here there was a family down the street that introduced themselves. Claire is a stay at home mom with a toddler names Wyatt. She was immediately so welcoming and invited me and the kids on a playdate with another friend of hers, and then invited me to a spa home party at the home of a friend of hers. Surprisingly enough, I went (the old me would not have thought twice about going with a virtual stranger to a house full of strangers to spend several hours). And I had a great time. Then Garrett's colleague's wife's neighbor decided to throw a home party for a shop at home clothing line, and the wife decided to invite me. And even more surprisingly, I went to that one too. It meant that I was showing up at the home of a hostess I didn't know as the invited guest of another party attender whom I didn't know. And yet, I had a great time again. I hardly recognize myself! But in this process I've come to the conclusion that people around here like to go to home parties. And so... (drum roll please) I've decided to host my own! Nothing like setting a date and inviting everyone I come in contact with to motivate me to get my house in order. I'm hosting a spa party of my own on October 21, partly because I want to get some great products as a discount, and partly because I thought, really, this is a great way to open myself up to some new friendships. I just hope people come! I've already had a handful of ladies accept my invite though, so I'm optimistic I'll at least have a decent showing. It'll be fun to have a reason to have people over.

So that's what I've been filling my time with in the past few weeks. I've made one trip to the YMCA, which we joined for a fantastic family rate (seriously, the Y is incredible. Has it always been so awesome? Cheap membership, free classes, free childcare? Somebody pinch me!) and I hope to make that a two times or so a week visit. I'm beginning to figure out how to navigate the thousands of retail options (I could buy my groceries at Jewel, Dominicks, Target, Walmart, Meier, Michael's Market, Costco, Trader Joe's... I have to admit the array of options sometimes feels just plain ridiculous), all while trying, trying, trying to remind myself to get down on the floor and actually play with my kids. Darn it! I do feel like I am getting a little out of touch on that score. But honestly, there is a lot going on! I know, excuses, excuses. But at least Abigail,Amelia, and Gabriel are all becoming superstars with the potty training. I've been to the highest heights and deepest depths emotionally, but when I look back and realize it's only been a week or two that puts it all in perspective. These kids are getting it, and that just pretty darn cool. We still don't venture out of the house without diapers, but if anything is indication that diapers are on their way out it's that at bedtime tonight I realized I literally only had two more diapers in the drawer and I needed three for bedtime. I had to raid the tiny stash in my car, which means tomorrow morning I have enough diapers to get us to Bible study and then straight to Target for more. This is a good direction to be moving.

And with that I will sign out on this, the longest blog post in recent history. Goodnight all. Please post a comment if you feel so inclined. I so love hearing from you.

Decorating!

2010-10-02T09:35:00.004-04:00

I am so excited about my girls' bedroom. I started out wanting to paint the room because it was an obnoxious pink and green, but of course once I painted I got lots more ideas about how to decorate and pull the whole room together. I got most of it put together this week while Garrett was away on a business trip. It was fun to work on a project and have something almost finished to show off when he got home last night:

This is Amelia's bed. It's hard to tell in the pictures, but I painted the window wall and the closet wall lavender and the other two walls pink so all favorite colors were covered. Amelia helped me put the purple butterflies and flowers above her bed.

And here's Abigail's bed against the pink walls. Of course Abigail got to help with the pink butterflies and flowers above her bed, and all three kiddos helped with the rest of the decals around the room.

Here's the view facing the other way.

I had great fun figuring out all the things to make the room coordinate. All of the decorations came from Target--I love the bright flower motif they have going with some of their stuff right now--so the window coverings, the lamps, and the wall decals all go together. The toy box at the foot of Amelia's bed isn't part of the set, but the pinks and greens went great with rest of the room. The rocking chairs were a steal at Ace Hardware, of all places. I am still planning to mount a white decorative shelf on the wall between the window and the closet, above the rocking chairs. And I would love to get bedside tables to put near the heads of the girls' beds, but that may be a little ways down the road. The other idea I had was putting a book shelf between the heads of their beds. They make some adorable dollhouse motif bookshelves that I think would be really fun, but we'll have to see what we can budget for. Maybe that would make a fun Christmas present or something.

Here's Amelia and Abigail after we finished putting all the flowers and butterflies on the walls. They love their new room and were so excited to show it to daddy when he got home!

Abigail dresses herself

2010-10-02T09:21:00.003-04:00

Around the neighborhood

2010-09-25T22:43:00.005-04:00

So the days are dragging on and I'm getting more and more put together but all my good intentions about writing about our house and our neighborhood and potty training and Abigail's pink puppy and new friends and home parties and thoughts on the new hyper stage my kids seem to be entering are all being neglected because time just keeps ticking and I keep not getting to my blog. I talked to my dad today and he informed me (in a very polite and non-accusatory manner) that I haven't posted in a while, which is understandable but I also get that grandparents like looking at adorable grandchildren, so I thought I'd throw up a few quick pics. Even though I'd love to write about all of the above, I'll save tonight just for the photos. More on the deep thoughts a bit later. Enjoy!

The kids love our backyard! And all their new tricycles.

Heading out on a bike ride around the neighborhood

Our pond

Doing some rock climbing to enjoy the view

Precious cargo