A day in spring

When you are surrounded by beauty all the time, sometimes it takes a jolt of new color to awaken you to the full panorama. Every morning now I open Gabriel's curtains to a tree covered in stunning blossoms, pink and red and full of life, and then I turn around to see an even more stunning sight: a little boy growing in knowledge and grace.

We go for a walk to the playground at the local elementary school and spring is alive all around us. I could get exasperated by how often we have to stop along the way to peer at dandelions and pick up sticks, but it's hard to stay frustrated when delicate pink fingers put bright sunshine in my hand and say, "This one's for you Mommy." Nothing shines quite so bright as gifts picked in love.

I try to remember that every gift from little hands is a plucking from their hearts to mine. I may see clutter or just another guilt-laced decision (is it really okay to throw away this fourth drawing she's lovingly labored over for my sake?), but each gift is a pearl. A beautiful girl giving a piece of the beauty she adds to the world for her mommy to hold onto long after the dandelion fades or the drawing gets lost under a growing pile of art. Who knew that one day I might look at a pair of sparkly silver sneakers with pink and purple stripes and feel the same surge I felt one day in a hospital room looking at my perfect babies for the first time?

Across a field of grass and dandelions and wildflowers I watch them glide down the path, short legs racing furiously to keep up with zooming pedals. Everything is new to a child; every season is different than the last. We have started keeping lists, because the age has come when they can look forward to something in the future and know that some day the future becomes now. At the top of Amelia's birthday list is bunk beds. I am charmed and also incredulous. Weren't you just getting comfortable on a tricycle only last year? As though tricycles and lofted beds have some sort of linear growth pattern to follow. You are growing into the most beautiful little girl. I love watching every second yet I want to stop time so you don't get away from me too fast. I'm afraid to blink, that you might grow up when I'm not looking.

Amelia makes me ache and exult in simultaneous moments of joyful anguish. How can love be so agonizing? How can this torment be so sweet? I want to shield her from the world at the same time I want to boost her to the mountain tops for everyone to behold: Here! Here is my stunning girl, a soft and gentle spirit, a gem. Isn't she miraculous?

Aren't they all miraculous? The blooming of spring, a world awakening, my eyes being opened.

God's wonders, always miraculous.