Little swimmers

Swim lessons this week have been a blast. I've loved the structure of having the same thing at the same time every day. Some days I go early to work out, other days I take my time in the morning and get there just for class. It's nice. I'm finding though that just because my schedule is not packed with lots on the to-do list, I still feel overwhelmed and overburdened. I've been feeling annoyed this week, like my fuse is short, and I have to be careful how I fill all that time that my calendar says I have but I don't feel like I've used wisely by the end of the day. Garrett graciously pointed out today that he needs me to take it easy and spend an afternoon doing something I want to do instead of checking more things off the list if that will help prevent a frustration-induced meltdown at some point in the immediate future. So I've had to sit back today and assess--why am I feeling so strung out despite my free and easy schedule? I've come up with two things:

1) Whining kids

2) Housework

Honestly, it's as simple as it gets. I hate whining. Hate it with a newfound passion that I think rivals any passion I've ever had. And it seems that my kids are becoming first rate champion whiners. Give them a word, any word, and they can turn it into a five syllable melodic fingers-on-chalkboard experience for all within hearing distance. It's enough to take me to the edge within a split second. May the grace of God pour on me! Because I know it's these moments, the ones that seem so insignificant and so uneventful, that show our true character. God give me compassion when all I want is to find a conveniently sized sock to stick in the offending noise maker. Give me wisdom to know how to respond so as to discourage the whining without offending the sensibilities of my growing, learning children. Give me patience, forgiveness, humility, and the memory every time I need it that I was in fact a whiner myself, much to my parents and brothers' annoyance, I'm sure.

And housework. Wow. Before we moved I thought about housework about as often as I think about Spanish verb conjugation--not never, but I'd say very rarely. Cleaning was low on my priority list, and tidying up is pretty easy in a small place. I feel like we live in a palace now and the grime is just never ending. And while I care about the cleanliness of my home and I want it to be pleasant to be here, the amount of work it takes just to keep it sort of clean seems to consume all my time not spent directly with the kids or in the kitchen. I just want to have some time to do something I actually want to do! Even now the things I enjoy feel like a chore in some ways because my time is so limited and interrupted that no matter what I'm doing it seems there's something else I should be doing instead. I sit to read a book and wonder if I should be blogging. I sit down to blog and wonder if I should, if I should.... shoot. I guess I wonder if I should sit down and try to remember what it is I like to do for fun. But even the fun stuff seems stressful sometimes.

I think I may just need a reality check here. The truth is I get to do lots of things I like to do. I've gotten to exercise again for the past six months. And it's my own fault I'm not more productive doing fun stuff during my evenings instead of crashing in front of the TV with Garrett. Although the hang out time with hubby is nice. Not to mention the fact that "being productive" and "having fun" never used to have to occupy the same sentence. Sheesh, life is just hectic sometimes, even when it's not over-scheduled. I guess I'm just feeling it this week. But all that to come back to the beginning where I said that I really truly have enjoyed taking the kids to swim lessons this week because I am just so filled with pride when I watch them. It brings me such amazing joy to see them face challenges and have so much fun! Thank God for His lessons. I admit I'm still figuring the lessons of this week out, but I know our weaknesses are His chance to show His strength, so bring it on God! I praise You for the challenges You allow, for the chance to grow more like Jesus. And thanks for giving me three amazing teachers along the way!