An amazing weekend

Last night Amelia and I flew home from Dayton. We had a wonderful weekend that went by far too quickly and I'm missing Kim more than ever, but I am so grateful for our amazing time together and all the fun we had, not to mention my chance to spend some very special one on one time with Amelia. I couldn't believe what a breath of fresh air it was to only have one little one to look after! Amelia was a little out of sorts because of the new environment but it didn't matter because she was my only concern. We took a couple naps together and skipped some nap time as well. We went shopping and out to coffee and to the park and enjoyed long conversations and pleasant drives. We went to a dairy and Amelia met some goats and cows and chickens, and quickly decided that goats and cows and chickens are nothing much to get excited about. We went to a gymnastics class and Amelia got to jump in a huge pit full of spongy balls, hang from monkey bars, and jump on trampolines. We wandered around shops and browsed, something I have not had the luxury of doing since pre-kids, and we snuggled a lot. The weekend was a complete success! It was great fun to see Kim and catch up with my dear girlfriend and to see her daughter, Jade, who is only ten days younger than my kids. She sure acts older than mine do though! She is a little chatterbox with an enormous vocabulary for an almost two year old. She is sunny and happy and easy-going and precocious and altogether delightful. I could not have had a better time spending time with Kim, Jade, and Kim's husband Kaz in a relaxing family friendly weekend. If only I could now get Kim to move to New York! I am still working on that. We often talk about how we hope to live near each other someday. The odds don't seem to be in our favor for that to happen anytime soon, but there is always hope for an opportunity down the line. Good friends like that are treasures of a lifetime. Now we just have to get all four kids together! Amelia was the lucky one this weekend, but I look forward to the time Jade can meet Gabriel and Abigail too.

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Garrett reports that the weekend here at home was very busy, but pretty smooth. The busy-ness was on purpose. Garrett is not one to get stuck at home, so he took the kids on all sorts of outings to visit friends, go to the park, go to church, and visit more friends. I think they were thoroughly worn out by all the coming and going, but it sounds like they all had a good time and Garrett enjoyed spending some time with just two little bundles. It is amazing how much more work just one child can add to the mix and he was grateful that with Abigail and Gabriel he was able to get out and about as much as he did. Just today since I've been back in the thick of it with all three of them it is a wake up call to just how much life is different with three kids instead of one. I could never trade my life; I am too delighted with each of my kids to imagine anything different for our family. But it sure was a treat to glimpse the ease of life with one and get that coveted individual attention with Amelia. I hope I can get more times like that with my other kids as well as they grow, and that Garrett can too. Amelia and Abigail and Gabriel are just too special to neglect getting to know them as individuals, not just a constant band of three.

Something that made me smile

Abby was giving really good kisses today. At one point she gave me two or three in a row and then she leaned in to give Amelia a smacker. I told Amelia that Abigail wanted to give her a kiss and Amelia turned to Abby and they gave each other the sweetest little smooch ever recorded (or not, since I didnt' get it on camera). It was a precious moment in the middle of a tumultuous time. I'm so grateful for those.

Amelia and I leave tomorrow for Dayton. Unfortunately I still have almost all of my packing to do. Abigail did not take her nap today so my plans for being productive while the little ones slumbered were dashed. No matter though. They are all in bed and quiet now. It's nice to have a few moments of peace before getting back to work.

If you are so inclined, please lift up prayers for my little Abigail. She has been really struggling this week with fear and an adamant desire to avoid her bed at all costs. Naptimes and bedtimes have become a real struggle with tantrums bordering on panic sometimes. I have been disinclined to let her cry it out given the urgency which which she protests, but the times I have held her or soothed her she literally will not stop clinging to me. Even after she falls asleep, as soon as I go to put her down she's wide awake again and screaming. I don't know why the sudden aversion to bed and I'm painfully aware that I have no idea what to do about it, all the while feeling like I am constantly letting her down by not being able to meet her needs. It has been hard on all of us and I pray this ends very soon. Garrett is on his own with Gabriel and Abigail until Sunday night when Amelia and I get back. I am just hoping this weekend goes smoothly for all of us.

Getting by

This morning I was so tired when the alarm (read: babies crying) went off that I had to pry my eyes open wtih my fingers. That might give you an appropriate visual image of how the past couple weeks have been. I miss writing in my blog, but all the things I want to write about are too exhausting to think about by the end of the day when I have time to write. Hope you all bear with me.

On Friday Amelia and I are flying to Dayton to visit my best friend Kim for the weekend. I am so excited about it I hardly have words to do it justice.

Believe it or not: a weekend away

I am proud of myself for pulling off perhaps the biggest surprise of my marriage so far. At least the biggest surprise sprung by me instead of Garrett. Several months ago I started talking with our friend Deb about having her and her husband Larry come spend a weekend with the kids so Garrett and I could get a much needed respite. This past weekend the event unfolded and I am so delighted that after months of planning, the plan never slipped and I was able to work out the details without giving anything away. Last Friday Deb and Larry took the train from their home in the city and were here when Garrett got home from work. Garrett was so surprised! He was literally speechless for the better part of an hour or so, trying to digest the fact that little old Carrington had actually devised, coordinated, and executed this great escape! It was great fun. We put the kiddos to bed Friday evening and then took off and we didn't get back home until Sunday afternoon. I didn't realize at the time that I planned the trip that it was Mother's Day weekend, but I can sure think of worse ways to have spent the day! It was wonderful to have a leisurely morning with Garrett and come home to my ever more delightful brood.


We spent the weekend at a little bed and breakfast just about an hour north of our home. The B&B was charming and the hosts were warm and friendly. The breakfasts were delicious, our room was impeccable, and the weather even treated us well. We were near Hyde Park, NY, which is the hometown of Franklin Roosevelt, so we spent our Saturday being tourists. We visited a few national historic sites, checking out FDR's childhood home, Eleanor Roosevelt's personal sanctuary, Val-Kil, and touring the Vanderbilt mansion. It was really fun. A day of leisure and relaxation and doing something new and out of the ordinary--I can't remember the last time we had a moment to ourselves to do whatever we wanted with no thought of a curfew or somebody's naptime. I definitely wanted the weekend to last longer--I have so many books to read, movies to watch, stories to write, and naps to take! But this weekend was a special time for Garrett and me to feel like we are still a couple, not just co-parents, and it was a wonderful treat. Anyone want to babysit next weekend?!

Blessed humility

This has been a week of contemplation, challenge, reflection, humility, and prayer. Not as much prayer as would do me good, but some nonetheless, and I dare say I am left perplexed at the foot of the throne yet again, wondering at His timing and ways of blessing. Garrett and I have been enormously blessed with the unexpected gift of a car. God opened the door for us to receive a 2001 Dodge Durango, free of charge and with no strings attached. We now have two cars, just, I am sure, as we will be needing them. I know that in the fall I will be needing a car at least two days a week since I have committed to volunteering to help with MOPS leadership as a discussion leader, plus I am planning on joining a weekly Bible study hosted at my church called Community Bible Study. It's a daytime study with childcare provided, and I feel like I am entering a stage where I'm both eager and more able to get some more structured outings with the kids on a regular basis. Though I won't need a car for MOPS and Bible study for a few months now, I suspect that the summer will bring many opportunities to get out and about and having a car at my disposal will do a lot to ease the stress of coordinating drop offs and pick ups with Garrett. Plus I find some comfort in knowing that I can take my kids to the doctor, or wherever, if needed without calling Garrett home. This past Friday I took Amelia to the doctor for two increasingly apparent ear infections. Garrett had to come home in the middle of the day for a couple hours so I could drive her to the pediatrician. We are fortunate that he has the flexibility to make such accommodations, but we can't always count on that being the case. I am just grateful that God has smiled on us and decided that now is the perfect time to answer our prayers and open this particular door to our family.

The humility that comes with a gift like this is a welcome feeling for me. I have been really reflecting a lot lately on my place in life right now and how God is using Garrett and my kids and my circumstances to mold and shape me. I am painfully aware of my weaknesses; of just how depleted I am and how incapable I am of mustering any grace or patience or wisdom on my own. What does it look like from out there, to look at my life and hear my thoughts? Do I look religious? Or do I look transformed? I want to look transformed, not for image's sake but as a true reflection of the life being lived through me. I find myself tonight grappling with the profound truth that nothing I do will ever be enough; and yet in all my efforts to do right by the God who saved me, and in all the clumsiness with which I make such attempts, His love for me shines through in a terrible, beautiful light that shows the ugliness of my fallen self against the radiance of His character growing in me. The pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian, our Manhattan church, used to sum up the gospel message by saying that we are more lowly and depraved than we ever could imagine, yet more loved and accepted than we ever dare believe, or something to that effect. I feel just the tiniest bit of that truth tonight. I am so small; He is so vast. And all I want is to find myself lost in His embrace.

This God is good. My God is good.