Root canal not so appealing anymore...

This morning I had the third appointment for my root canal. This is turning into a true nightmare. I'm finding I have a significant aversion to major dental work. Surprise surprise, right? I doubt there are many people who enjoy having their nerves removed and canals filled in, but this experience has been really nerve wracking for me.

The dentist is an old man who can harldy put two words together. It's been like pulling teeth (ha ha) to get him to explain anything to me. I don't even really know what a root canal is, other than what I've learned from looking it up online. My dentist is gruff, cryptic, and I'm guessing pretty set in his ways. He says that my tooth is not very accessible (it's the top left molar, farthest back, and apparently my mouth is rather small, or so he tells me) and that my roots are deep, and basically this whole process will take as long as it takes. When I first made the appointment to come in the receptionist told me it would take 2-3 visits. When I arrived for my first visit the dentist told me 3-4 visits. This morning was my third visit and just today the dentist told Garrett (who called to see why this guy is sending his wife home in tears after every visit) that it'll take "at least two more visits" to get this root canal done. I am undone about this, but I don't really know what to do. I am more than appalled at this latest news, but I also feel somewhat like my hands are tied. I have not called the insurance company yet but I'm doubtful they will be keen on paying two dentists for one root canal if I decide to switch mid-procedure, but someone has to pay for what Dr. Evil has already done and I don't want it to be me. So I may just be stuck with this guy for the long hall.

I am trying to seek God's comfort in this. Honestly, I know that as soon as this root canal is done I will move on with no lasting ill effects, but right now, when I have to go back every week leading to more pain, more anxiety, and more inconvenience because of the time Garrett has to miss at work to stay home with the kids, I need God's presence to keep me grounded and to hopefully help me be a decent patient. If there are any dentists or endodontists who read my blog, I have some advice for you: when a patient winces, white knuckles the arms of the dentist chair, or has tears leaking their way down her cheeks, don't tell her that what she is experiencing is "only pressure." I know what pressure is. I also, unfortunately, know what seering nerve pain is. It's pretty easy to tell the difference. Though walking through the rest of the morning without any feeling in the entire left side of my head is rather awkward, I'd rather you load me with anesthesia then try to toughen me up or make an example of me.

All right, enough of my complaining. On to other topics, like how much my kids love that I am trying to limit their binky use these days. Man, if I had the heart I would just throw those binkies away without a second thought. As it is, they only get their binkies during naps and at bedtime, and still I find myself just hating those things. It's hard to tell if they bring out the worst in my kids, or if my kids really need them to be pacified. I have decided that it's the former, and I'm determined to get rid of those suckers once and for all. Today I started Operation Eliminate Binky at naptime. Instead of giving them their usual binks for naps I gave them "special" binkies for big kids, meaning I gave them binkies that I had cut the tips off of, so they are not as satisfying to suck. They all seemed understandably perplexed by these shortened binkies, but the first twenty minutes of naptimes went by rather smoothly. Then the fireworks started, and for the next hour and a half at least one kid at any given time was belting out their disapproval. I hate letting my kids cry. I hate sitting in the living room knowing they are in the next room as sad as sad can be. But I also hate the idea of my kids getting only more and more attached to these pacifiers that impede their language development and jump start spontaneous tantrums when they are not produced at just the right time. And I know that logic and long term goal setting are lost on my little angels. Plus I'm kind of wiped out from my morning with Dr. Evil. So I let them cry this time, and now they are all sleeping away.

I am reading a book right now called Tears and Tantrums: What to Do When Babies and Children Cry. I'm pretty sure the author would not approve of my let-cry method this afternoon, though I am not sure that any method can or should be used exclusively. The premise of the author is that crying and raging in babies and children serve a valuable purpose in relieving stress and promoting emotional health and healing. Crying should therefore be neither ignored nor squelched. Crying kids need to be acknowledged and heard, but not necessarily pacified. In other words, a crying child should not be left to cry it out on their own. On the other hand, they should not be scooped up and rocked and coddled and given a pacifier in an attempt to quiet them down. The idea is that crying indicates emotional turmoil that needs to be released, that the crying itself is the pacifier, and that parents and caregivers should provide understanding and nurturing and support during this emotional release. So far I think it's a very valid premise and I tend to agree with the author. But I also think there's room for teaching children that while feeling sad and upset and angry is not wrong, there are appropriate ways to express those feelings that don't involve screaming, tantrums, etc. Obviously the child's age should be taken into account in all this so appropriate expectations are in place. I am still fairly early in the book so I have a lot to cover, but I'm intrigued by the thought process and gosh I just pray that I do right by my kids. I'm fairly certain that parenting is the longest tightrope balancing act I will ever have to face.