Day 2

The kids are napping now and I'm taking the chance to mull over this experience of trying to hear them out and accompany them through their crying. The great news is that going down for naps took about 50 minutes today instead of two hours, and most of that time was not actually spent crying. One of the things Solter mentions in her book is the need for infants and young children to fall asleep in the presence of a loving caretaker. She says that it's perfectly normal and natural for babies to insist on company for falling asleep and that we should indulge them in this to ensure their optimum emotional health. I have to say I balk at this idea because frankly, I don't have it in me. Not as something to commit to on a consistent basis. I think it's perfectly fine to teach babies to fall asleep on their own and I have no intention of undoing the year and a half plus of work I've already put in to making my kids good nappers.

But here's the thing: yesterday it seemed like the crying was due to upset over the missing binkies, and the kids cried as much while I was holding them as when I wasn't. Today though, they really only cried when I put them down in order to pick up someone else. In their cribs they cried and cried, but when I held them they snuggled in and acted sleepy. I'm not used to them being so snuggly, especially Amelia, right before a nap. Usually they go down without so much as a peep, wide awake, and drift off on their own. Of course, that was with binkies. Both girls dozed off in my arms today, first Amelia then Abigail, and I finally was able to put them in bed already pretty much asleep. I don't like doing that and the whole time I was internally cringing at the idea that I would have to hold them until they slept or else they would cry and fuss when I put them down, but I also reasoned that this is day two and they didn't really complain all that much about no binkies and I want to bear this out for a while.

By the way, Gabriel was super easy today and cried for maybe five minutes, during which I snuggled and held him, and he settled down and I put him in his crib awake, sans binky, and he drifted off within minutes while the girls continued to take turns carrying on in their beds. It's interesting to watch each of my kids as they process this new thing I'm doing with them. They are all so different. Gabriel really needs loving when he's upset, but in general he's very adaptable. In fact tonight (I am finishing this post after the kids are in bed for the night) he didn't even ask for his binky, and we didn't give it to him, and he went to bed without complaint and wide awake. The girls are obviously needing more coddling, but honestly it's Amelia that is surprising me in all this. She has definitely been crying the most, sometimes really raging pretty strongly, but she has also been the most docile, content, and cuddly after her episodes are over. I feel like I'm getting some real insightful nuggets into what she may be experiencing emotionally, though I don't claim to have a firm grasp of what it all means. Solter suggests that in the process of feeling heard and understood, kids will naturally become more attached and comfortable with the person doing the listening. I hope that's what I'm seeing. Stay tuned.