Oh how I long to please the Lord! I look at these past few weeks and my heart almost aches to be nearer to Him, even as I continue to seek Him every day. Every day just doesn't seem like enough anymore. I have been doing my devotions daily, making sure I read His word. I want the Spirit of the Lord to inhabit me, the wisdom of His Holiness to bathe me and seep into my pores. Daily scripture just doesn't seem to be enough--I'm hungry for more. So I am praying more. I very highly recommend the Power of Praying series by Stormie Omartian. I am currently reading through The Power of a Praying Wife and The Power of a Praying Parent. I need to be praying for my family every day and I am planning that when I finish these books I will turn right back to page one and read them again, and again, and again. I have never felt so convicted to come to the Lord in prayer and to ingest His word with diligence, yet I find that the more I seek Him, the more I feel left wanting. Not because He is not filling me. The thing is, He is filling me. But in that miraculous and supernatural way of His, the filling, the abundance of His riches pouring out, is accompanied by heightened awareness and a dropping of scales from the eyes. I see my weaknesses, my faults, my shortcomings, my need for Him. And so I seek Him all the more.It's become painfully obvious to me how I need God to sustain me and guide me through my parenting. I have been stretched and stressed recently in ways I never had a glimpse of even a couple months ago, and I'm quickly seeing the fault lines in my polished veneer. My kids are testing me. Tantrums erupt throughout the day, they fight over toys, they push and shove each other through doorways or into the elevator. The other day Gabriel picked up a recorder (musical instrument) and whack Amelia on the head with it. Today I got out of the shower to hear serious crying coming from the other room. I went to find a tearful Amelia with at least two bite marks on her arms, culprit unknown. I've seen Abigail trip Amelia by grabbing
her foot as she tries to walk away from a sisterly tussle. And I've seen all three throw tantrums straight from babysitters' nightmares over anything and nothing during mealtimes gone wrong. Oh yes, my patience is being tried.
her foot as she tries to walk away from a sisterly tussle. And I've seen all three throw tantrums straight from babysitters' nightmares over anything and nothing during mealtimes gone wrong. Oh yes, my patience is being tried.They are not always like this. That is, they are not always fighting or crying or conjuring terrible ways to wreak pain and havoc. But the stage is upon us where discipline must start in earnest, and mommy better be arming herself with the armor of God every morning for a day in the trenches. I need to remember, always, that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." Ephesians 6:12. I need to be ready to do spiritual battle on behalf of my kids, as well as for myself so I don't fall for the temptation to snap at them, lose my patience, or take out my frustration in ways I could regret. Every word is a potential weapon, every harsh tone a potential bruise on my babies' precious minds. Now more than ever I hold this scripture close: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)
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2 comments:
C-
Oh, your words ring so true for this mommy! I only wish that I could say that I am in the Word every day...that is my intention, but I am famous for those...
You are right when you say you need to be prepared by grounding yourself in the Lord. Being a mom is a very humbling and heart-changing experience. It becomes so clear to me on a daily basis, just what a sinner I am. I try and teach so many of God's truths to my girls, all the while realizing that I will forever be learning the exact same ones. I guess that is what reminds me (along with a loud whisper from the Holy Spirit) to have never-ending grace for them...since I am in desperate need of that myself. I can't imagine trying to be a mom without Jesus. Even when I don't start the day in the Word, He is forever with me, helping me, gently reminding me, and giving me strength.
The great thing is that He knows our hearts desire is to bring our kids up to know and love Him even more than we do. He knows I want to change my legacy...and He will honor that, I am sure, even when I continually fall short of what I desire to be.
I love your heart. I love your honesty. I love how you love your Lord. Your kids are blessed beyond measure to witness a mother with a love so strong, for them, and for her Great God.
Dude, I feel your pain! Though, yours is hightened by the sibling factor. Cameron is getting much more willful. He's growing up, become himself, and has his own ideas of what he wants to do in the moment. That's where the rub comes - his growing, budding sense of self. It's his desire to follow his own mind and satisfy his own needs that makes him mad when David or I derail him. So, comes the quesiton, "how do I respect his sense of self without letting him do whatever he wants?" I have a couple of things that I think work well: 1) Before I do anything that imposes on him I usually count to 3, I've read that preparing kids for change helps with tantrums (at this age, the most prep he can really understand is the few seconds before I do something, so I use that), 2) I try to do as many activities as I can where he gets to reasonably call the shots so that I'm not telling him "no" and "do this" all day, only when I need to, 3) I try to tire him out as much as possible; my mom always said a tired kid is a happy kid, and I'm becoming a believer, 4) I have several phrases where I have immdiately made him him do whatever it is I'm asking; two of these are "let go," and "that's enough." I have noticed that the more I have used these, the less the tantrum is when I take away the forbidden object (or, even better, sometimes after I say this now he gives me the object!). I have not used time out yet, and I'm curious how that will work.
Of course, all I have to deal with is Cameron, not Cameron and two siblings. And, I'm sharing here as a sharing, not a "you should be doing this." The longer I have Cameron, the more I am very aware that each kid is so different and needs his or her own way of handling.
Good luck, my dear! Keep us updated!!
xoxo S
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